tare yori mo aki no aware ya masaruran koe ni tatete wa shika zo nakunaru
Who might it be that The sadness of autumn Strikes more keenly? Lifting up his voice, It is the stag crying out!
Lord Yorisuke 29
Right
春夏はなにに心をなぐさめて秋のみ鹿の妻をこふらん
haru natsu wa nani ni kokoro o nagusamete aki nomi shika no tsuma o kouran
Spring and summer, too, How do they the heart Console? ‘Tis in autumn, alone, the stag Seems to yearn for his mate.
Kenshō 30
The Left charmingly sounds as if the scene it describes is entirely natural. The Right isn’t bad, but, I seem to recall that there was a poem in—I think it was the Poetry Match at Lord Aritsuna’s Residence—that has the phrase ‘In autumn, above all, / The stag seems to yearn for his mate’, so it would have better to refrain from the final two lines. The Left should win.
fuku kaze mo mi ni shimu aki no yūgure ni aware o souru shika no koe kana
The gusting wind Pierces my flesh on an autumn Evening, as Sadness laces The stag’s cry!
Lord Michyoshi 27
Right
妻こふるさ夜ふけがたの鹿のねに声うちそへて秋風ぞ吹く
tsuma kouru sayo fukegata no shika no ne ni koe uchisoete akikaze zo fuku
Yearning for his mate as Brief night wears on, A stag’s cry Is voiced, lacing The gusting autumn wind.
Tamechika 28
Both Left and Right have the same overall content, but the Left’s ‘yearning for his mate as / Brief night wears on’ reverses the appropriate order of the diction: it would be preferable to say ‘Brief night wears on as / Yearning for his mate’. The Left has no such issues and so it should win.
In judgement: the Right’s pipes would seem to sound very youthful, indeed! As for the Left, although I feel I have heard such a conception before, because for the life of me I cannot recall where, the style seems tasteful. The Left wins.
