Tag Archives: waves

Love X: 30

Left
年深き入江の秋の月見ても別惜しまぬ人やかなしき

toshi fukaki
irie no aki no
tsuki mitemo
wakare oshimanu
hito ya kanashiki
Late on in the year
Above the bay one evening,
Glimpsing the moon:
That he cares not at their parting –
Is that a source of sadness?

A Servant Girl
1199

Right (Win)
ともすれば別を知らぬ浪の上にかきなす音をも人は問けり

tomo sureba
wakare o shiranu
nami no ue ni
kakinasu ne o mo
hito wa toikeri
As ever,
In ignorance of our parting,
Upon the waves
The strains I pluck
Bring folk to ask me why…

Ietaka
1200

Both Gentlemen state: the poems are based on ‘The Song of the Lute’ and have no faults to mention.

In judgement: both the Left and the Right are based on ‘The Song of the Lute’ and the Left, beginning with ‘late on in the year’ (toshi fukaki) is pleasant, but ‘that he cares not at their parting’ (wakare oshimanu) and what follows seems rather insufficient, in addition to simply seeming to recall Xunyang River and lack a conception of the poet’s own love. The Right has ‘in ignorance of our parting’ (wakare o shiranu), while ‘bring folk to ask me why’ (hito wa toikeri) also has a slight conception that the lady has not asked why either. Thus, the Right should win.

Love X: 6

Left (Win)
誰となく寄せては返る浪枕浮きたる舟の跡もとどめず

tare to naku
yosete wa kaeru
namimakura
ukitaru fune no
ato mo todomezu
To no one
Cleaving, they return;
Pillowed on the waves
The drifting boats’
Wakes fail to linger long…

A Servant Girl
1151

Right
何方を見ても忍ばむ難波女の浮き寝の跡に消ゆる白浪

izukata o
mitemo shinobamu
naniwame no
ukine no ato ni
kiyuru shiranami
Whither
Should I look in longing?
With a girl from Naniwa
I slept briefly, but her
Wake vanishes among the whitecaps…

Jakuren
1152

Both Left and Right together state: neither poem is bad.

In judgement: both poems seem elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘girl from Naniwa’ (naniwame) raises the same issue as ‘diving girl’, only more so – there is not even evidence on this from inclusion in the Collection of Poems to Sing, is there? The Left’s ‘cleaving, they return; pillowed on the waves’ (yosete wa kaeru namimakura) really does seem like a pleasure girl, so I must say it is superior.