山家にはならのから葉の散敷きてしぐれの音もはげしかりけり

yamaga ni wa nara no karaba no chirishikite shigure no oto mo hageshikarikeri

In a mountain hut The withered oak leaves Scattering around and The shower’s sound is Severe, indeed!

Tamemitsu

Toshiyori’s judgement:

The poem on a mountain hut uses ‘withered oak leaves’ which sounds particularly poor; if one wants to refer to withered leaves then I would conclude the poem with this and not continue. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the shower’s sound is severe’ – it gives the impression of standing on the peak of Mount Arachi and looking down upon the valley below.