Tag Archives: years

Love V: 10

Left (Tie).
年を經て遂に逢べき中ならば齢ばかりを歎かざらまし

toshi o hete
tsui ni aubeki
naka naraba
yowai bakari o
nagekazaramashi
If the years go by, and
Finally, that we meet
Should come to pass,
Just our youth
Should not be a source of grief!

Lord Suetsune.
859

Right.
比べ來し振分髪のそのかみも終の思やなを遊びけん

kurabekoshi
furiwakegami no
sono kami mo
tsui no omoi ya
nao asobiken
We did match
Our hair, bunched on either side:
Back then,
That, at last, our passions would
Join – I wonder, did we know it?

Nobusada.
860

The Right state: the conception of youth is lacking. The Left state: the initial part simply resembles the original poem.

In judgement: the Left’s poem, from beginning to end, uses nothing but commonplace diction. The Right’s poem, too, really says nothing beyond the sense of its origin poem. The poems are of the same quality.

 

Love V: 5

Left (Tie).
言はぬ間は思ふも心九十九髪さは僞りの夢や見てまし

iwanu ma wa
omou mo kokoro
tukumogami
sa wa itsuwari no
yume ya mitemashi
While he’s said not a word,
If love in his heart
Arrived for my white hair,
Then a false dream
Would I see in truth?

Lord Kanemune.
849

Right.
戀初めし心の色に積む年は我黒髪に現れにけり

koi someshi
kokoro no iro ni
tsumu toshi wa
wa ga kurogami ni
arawarenikeri
Since I first awoke to love
The hues of passion in my heart by
The drifting years
Upon my raven tresses
Are made clear.

Nobusada.
850

The Right state: is this a reference to the recent poem ‘seeing a dream with white hair’ (yume o miru to mo tsukumogami)? The Left state: ‘drifting years’ (tsumu toshi) is grating on the ear.

In judgement: both poems refer to hair, and the Gentlemen of the Right have asked whether the Left are referring to a ‘recent poem’, and I wonder when this poem might have been composed? It is impossible to entirely avoid referring to poems which are not included in the anthologies. Needless to say, though, it is normal for one’s poems not to resemble others to a great extent. In addition, I do not feel that ‘drifting years’ is that grating on the ear. However, simply saying ‘Upon my raven tresses are made clear’ (wa ga kurogami ni arawarenikeri) does not convey a strong sense of gray hair, I think. Finally, the configuration of the Left’s ‘then a false dream’ (sa wa itsuwari no) is particularly unacceptable, I think. So, a tie.

 

Love V: 2

Left (Tie).
逢見ても身にやは年の積るべき我老いらくになしと答ふな

aimite mo
mi ni ya wa toshi no
tsumorubeki
wa ga oiraku ni
nashi to kotauna
Even should you meet me
Upon you the years
Would the years pile up?
So to this old man
I would not have you say no…

Lord Ari’ie.
843

Right.
包めども老蘇の森の薄紅葉たへでも色に出でにける哉

tsutsumedomo
oiso no mori no
usumomiji
taedemo iro ni
idenikeru kana
Although they may be hidden in
The sacred grove of Oiso,
The pale scarlet leaves’
Hues may not endure, but
Still have appeared…

The Provisional Master of the Empress Household Office.
844

The Right state: the Left’s poem’s conception is vague. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to indicate.

In judgement: the Left is unclear in style, but the configuration of ‘upon you the years’ (mi ni ya wa toshi no) is pleasant. Although one wonders why ‘pale scarlet leaves’ (usumomiji) is used, the following ‘hues may not endure’ (taedemo iro ni) is elegant. The round should tie.

Love III: 28

Left.
いかなりし世世の報ひのつらさにてこの年月に弱らざるらん

ika narishi
yoyo no mukui no
tsurasa nite
kono toshitsuki ni
yowarazaruran
How many are
My lives blessed with
Pain alone, that
Through these passing years and months
It shows no sign of weakening?

Lord Sada’ie
775

Right.
年経にしつらきに堪へてながらふと聞かれんさへぞ今は悲しき

toshi henishi
tsuraki ni taete
nagarau to
kikaren sae zo
ima wa kanashiki
The years have passed
In nothing but pain
On and on;
All you would hear from me, though,
Is that, now, I am sad.

Lord Takanobu
776

The Right state: ‘It shows no sign of weakening’ [yowarazaruran] seems unsatisfactory in its  placement in this poem. The Left state: there are no faults to inidicate.

In judgement: the Left’s second section seems fine, but the initial section’s ‘pain alone’ (tsurasa)  sounds overly forceful. However, in the Right’s poem ‘All you would hear from me, though, is that, now, I am sad’ (kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki) in the final section seems both overly explicit and somewhat weak. I cannot award a win this round.