Tag Archives: yosobito

Love V: 9

Left.
思わく心も知らぬよそ人はまだいとけなき音とや聞く覧

omoiwaku
kokoro mo shiranu
yosobito wa
mada itokenaki
oto ya kikuran
An understanding
Of my heart is lacking, so
All those strangers
Still like a child
Do speak to me – that must be why!

Lord Kanemune.
857

Right (Win).
何となく遊び馴れぬる筒井つの影離れ行く音のみ泣かれて

nani to naku
asobinarenuru
tsutsuitsu no
kage hanareyuku
ne nomi nakarete
Simply
Was I used to playing, but
From the pipe-well
Our reflected faces have grown distant, so
I do but weep and sob…

Jakuren.
858

The Right state: the Left’s poem seems a bit too young. The Left state: ‘Simply was I used to playing’ (nani to naku asobinarenuru) seems rather prosaic diction.

In judgement: although the latter part of the Left’s poem and the initial section of the Right’s are both pleasant, the Left’s use of ‘speak’ (oto) feels unnecessary. The latter section of the Right’s poem seems particularly good. It should win.