Left.
あらはれてまた埋もるゝ雪のうちにさも年深き松の色かな
arawarete mata utsumoruru yuki no uchi ni sa mo toshi fukaki matsu no iro kana |
Appearing and Then buried once more By the snows: How ancient are The pine trees’ constant hues… |
557
Right (Win).
いかなれば冬にしられぬ色ながら松しも風のさびしかるらん
ikanareba fuyu ni shirarenu iro nagara matsu shi mo kaze no sabishikaruran |
Why is it that, All unknowing that ‘tis winter In their hue, The pines’ rustling in the wind Is so sad? |
558
Both Left and Right say the other team’s poem is ‘not bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: While the initial section of the Left’s poem is splendid [yū], I feel that the later ‘How ancient are’ (sa mo toshi fukaki) goes too far [sa made mo haberazaran]. The Right’s ‘Why is it that’ (ikanareba) is an expression I am unable to accept [shokisubekarazu], the later ‘pines’ rustling in the wind’ (matsu shi mo kaze no) sounds most fine, does it not? Thus, the Right should win.