Left (Win).
萩の葉にかはりし風の秋の聲やがて野分の露砕く也
| hagi no ha ni kawarishi kaze no aki no koe yagate nowaki no tsuyu kudakunari |
Bush clover leaves Brushed by the breeze Speak of autumn; Swift comes the gale, Scattering dewdrops… |
355
Right.
靡き行く尾花が末に浪越えて眞野の野分に續く濱風
| nabikiyuku obana ga sue ni nami koete mano no nowaki ni tsuzuku hamakaze |
Streaming Miscanthus fronds Wave At Mano in the gales Born from breezes off the beaches. |
356
The Left’s ‘speak of autumn’ (aki no koe) and the Right’s ‘born from’ (tsuzuku) are each found unsatisfactory by the opposing team.
Shunzei states, ‘Both the poems of the Left and Right have been found unsatisfactory by a number of modern poets, and is this not reasonable? However, the Left’s “Brushed by the breeze speak of autumn” (kawarishi kaze no aki no koe) is particularly fine. The Right’s “born from” is not a turn of phrase which could be considered pleasant; starting with “streaming” (nabikiyuku) and then continuing to “breezes off the beaches” (hamakaze) which lead to “Mano in the gales” (mano no nowaki ni) suggests an implicit meaning, but the Left’s upper and lower sections are finer. It should win.’