Left.
見るに猶住まゝほしきは色いろに蔦這ふ小屋のよそめ也けり
miru ni nao sumamahoshiki wa iroiro ni tsuta hau koya no yosome narikeri |
Gazing, again Would I dwell there: Many-hued Ivy creeping round the hut, Seen from afar. |
423
Right (Win).
年を經て苔に埋るゝ古寺の簷に秋ある蔦の色かな
toshi o hete koke ni mumoruru furu tera no noki ni aki aru tsuta no iro kana |
The years pass by and, Buried in moss, The ancient temple’s Eaves in autumn take On ivy’s hues… |
424
The Right say, ‘If by Koya the Left means the place Koya in the Province of Tsu, there are no other connections in the poem. If, however, it is just referring to a hut (koya), we wonder about that composition [sayō ni mo yomamu ni ya].’ The Left respond, ‘It is perfectly normal when referring to a hut, to just have “hut” in the poem! In the Right’s poem, though, “Buried, the ancient temple” (mumoruru furu tera) sounds unpleasant [kikiyokarazu].’
Shunzei’s judgement: In the Left’s poem, if it is not referring to Koya in the Province of Tsu, I have no recollection of it being normal to just refer to a hut in a poem. Even if there was an earlier poem for evidence of this, the word ‘hut’ has no connections within anything in this poem, either. The Right’s ‘buried in moss’ (koke ni mumoruru) is splendid [yū ni koso habere]. As for ‘ancient temple’ (furu tera), although it is splendid in Chinese poetry to write [shi ni kaku wa yū ni haberedo] phrases like ‘the ancient temple, situated on the mountaintop’, this is not particularly elegant in waka [uta ni wa en narazaru]. However, besides the use of koya being poor, ‘eaves in autumn’ (noki ni aki aru) sounds charming [okashiku kikoyu]. The Right must win.