Left.
柞原涼みし夏の青木立色變りても猶ならすかな
| hahasowara suzumishi natsu no aogidachi iro kawarite mo nao narasu kana |
Beneath the oaks is Cool in summer – A fresh green grove; Their hues have changed, but Still, ‘tis where I take my rest… |
435
Right (Win).
山巡る時雨の宿か柞原我が物顔に色の見ゆらん
| yama meguru shigure no yado ka hahasowara wa ga mono kao ni iro no miyuran |
Roaming round the mountains Is the showers’ lodging Above the oaks? Such satisfaction in their Hues, there seems to be! |
436
The Right state that ‘a fresh green grove’ (aogidachi) in the Left’s poem is difficult to accept [kikinikushi].The Left wonder what is meant by ‘Such satisfaction in their hues, there seems to be!’ (wa ga mono kao ni iro no miyuran).
Shunzei’s judgement: With regard to the Left’s poem, the cool of summer is usually evoked by phrases such as ‘the shade of the cedars by the Barrier springs’, or ‘’neath the pines growing by waters flowing from the rocks’, and so one wonders why a fresh green grove of oaks has been used. When the focus [mune] in a poem is autumn leaves, using ‘yet’ (nao) suggests that the poet has something else in mind. The Right’s poem is charming in conception [kokoro wa okashiku kikoyuru], but ‘lodging’ (yado ka) as a piece of diction is insufficiently heartfelt [kotoba no shokisubekarazu]. However, the Left’s poem is lacks sufficient feeling throughout [kotogoto ni kanshinserarezu]. Thus, I make the Right the winner.