Round Three
Left (Win)
いかにしてあきはひかりのまさるらんおなじみかさの山のはの月
| ika ni shite aki wa hikari no masaruran onaji mikasa no yama no ha no tsuki | Why is it that In autumn your light Should be best of all? Though always upon Mikasa Mountain’s edge you rest, O moon… |
Retired from the world
33
Right
秋のよはくもるといへどこと月のさやけきよりもさやけかりけり
| aki no yo wa kumoru to iedomo koto tsuki no sayakeki yori mo sayakarikeri | On an autumn night Cloudy it may be, yet Compared to another moon’s Brightness, ‘tis still More bright. |
Senior Assistant Minister Past Lecturer
34
Both the configuration and diction of the Left’s poem seem comprehensible. The poem of the Right’s use of ‘moon’ is dubious and blameworthy. Thus, the Left wins.
The poem of the Left doesn’t sound bad. I feel it has a well-trodden ending for a poem and it reminds me of the old line ‘what is this light’[1]—it’s extremely charming. In the Right’s poem, I wonder if ‘another moon’ might be referring to the calendar month, but listening to it, it really does sound as if there are two moons in the sky! Furthermore, the poem lacks fluency and is further case of a hasty retreat from the topic, isn’t it. It’s an excess of technique to say that the autumn moon is not inferior to any other, even if it’s covered with cloud.
[1] Composed for the Palace Poetry Match held on the 10th day of the Eighth Month, Kanna 1. いつもみる月ぞとおもへどあきのよはいかなるかげをそふるなるらん itsumo miru / tsuki zo to omoedo / aki no yo wa / ika naru kage o / sourunaruran ‘Always, do I see / The moon, I thought, yet / On an autumn night / What is this light / That trails over all?’ Fujiwara no Nagayoshi (GSIS IV: 256)