Left (Tie).
君がりと浮きぬる心まよふらん雲はいくへぞ空の通ひ路
| kimigari to ukinuru kokoro mayouran kumo wa iku e zo sora no kayoiji |
To your home Drifts my heart In seeming confusion; How may layers must the clouds Pass though on the heavenly paths? |
A Servant Girl.
923
Right.
思やるながめも今は絶えぬとや心をうづむ夕暮の雲
| omoiyaru nagame mo ima wa taenu to ya kokoro o uzumu yūgure no sora |
Lost in thought I gazed at you, but now Is it that it’s done that Buries my heart beneath The evening skies? |
Ietaka.
924
The Right state: we would have preferred it to have been ‘is it that my heart drifts?’ (ukinuru kokoro ya). The Left state: the Right’s poem lacks faults.
In judgement: the final sections of both poems seem fine. For strict correctness, the Left should have had ‘my drifting heart does seem confused’ (ukinuru kokoro wa mayourashi), but because this would not fit with the poem, he has left it as ‘in seeming confusion’ (mayouran). The poem is fine as it is, without introducing ‘is it that my heart’ (kokoro ya). I don’t know what to make of the expression ‘to your home’ (kimigari), but ‘how may layers must the clouds pass though on the heavenly paths?’ (kumo wa iku e zo sora no kayoiji) is charming. Then again, the Right’s ‘buries my heart beneath the evening skies?’ (kokoro o uzumu yūgure no sora) has a gentle beauty about it. Thus, the round should tie.