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Daikōtaigōgū no suke taira no tsunemori-ason ke uta’awase 25

Moon

Round One

Left (Tie)

月きよみながむる人の心さへ雲井にすめる秋の夜はかな

tsuki kiyomi
nagamuru hito no
kokoro sae
kumoi ni sumeru
aki no yowa kana
The moon, so pure, that
Gazing folk feel
Their very hearts
Clearly in the heavens
On an autumn midnight!

Lord Shige’ie
49

Right

のこるべきかきねの雪は先消えてほかはつもるとみゆる月かな

nokorubeki
kakine no yuki wa
mazu kiete
hoka wa tsumoru to
miyuru tsuki kana
It should be lingering
On my brushwood fence, but the snow
First vanishes, then
Piling up elsewhere
Appears moonlight!

Lord Yorimasa
50

The Left seems extremely commonplace, and simply ending ‘autumn midnight’ feels incomplete. As for the Right, what does it mean to say that ‘the snow upon my brushwood fence first vanishes’? Might it mean that because of the fence’s shadow, the moon’s light cannot be seen? It really sounds as if the poet has gone too far in his quest for unusual expressions. Then there’s ‘piling up elsewhere’ along with ‘autumn midnight’—neither of these sound superior, so it’s impossible to say which poem is.

Daikōtaigōgū no suke taira no tsunemori-ason ke uta’awase 23

Round Eleven

Left

さをしかの空にあはれときこゆるは山のたかねになけばなりけり

saoshika no
sora ni aware to
kikoyuru wa
yama no takane ni
nakeba narikeri
A stag belling
To the skies, sadly
I hear—
Perhaps, because ‘tis on the mountain’s peak
He cries so…

Lord Masahira

45

Right (Win)

ゆふまぐれ霧のまがきのさびしさにをしか鳴くなり秋の山里

yūmagure
kiri no magaki no
sabishisa ni
oshika nakunari
aki no yamazato
Tangled in twilight
With mist around my brushwood fence,
Loneliness fills me, as
A stag bells, by
A mountain retreat in autumn

Shinkaku
46

What on earth is the conception of ‘sadly hearing something in the skies’? While no one can truly know why a stag bells, what is the point of saying that ‘sadness is in the skies’? And if one does hear it, it isn’t the case that anyone really knows that the stag is belling out of longing for his mate, is it. The stag seeming to bell by a brushwood fence in the mist, seems to sound a bit more moving at the moment.

Daikōtaigōgū no suke taira no tsunemori-ason ke uta’awase 20

Round Eight

Left

やまかぜにしほるる野べの草むらのねやさむしとや鹿の鳴くらん

yamakaze ni
shioruru nobe no
kusamura no
neya samushi to ya
shika no nakuran
The mountain wind
Withers the meadow’s
Clumps of grasses—
Is it his chilly bedchamber
That makes the stag cry out?

Moromitsu
39

Right (Win)

あはれとはねらふさつをも思ふらんをしか妻どふ秋の夕ぐれ

aware to wa
nerau satsuo mo
omouran
oshika tsumadobu
aki no yūgure
‘How sad,’
The aiming hunter, too,
Seems to think, as
The stag searches for his mate
On an autumn evening…

Lay Priest Sanekiyo
40

The Left shows no technique from beginning to end, compounded by the fact that, while ‘although the stag does lie’ is a common expression in poetry, ‘bedchamber’ is something I am unaccustomed to hearing. As for the Right, ‘aiming hunter’ is distasteful to hear, but the poem is not bad overall, so it wins.