Round Six

Left (Tie)

たびねするこやのしのやのひまをなみもらぬしぐれにぬるるそでかな

tabinesuru koya no shinoya no hima o nami moranu shigure ni nururu sode kana

Dozing on my journey In Koya, beneath dwarf-bamboo thatch, No gaps has it, so No drips fall from the showers, yet Still my sleeves are soaked!

Kunisuke
61

Right

しぐれつつものぞかなしきわすれぐさまくらにむすぶきしのたびねは

shiguretsutsu mono zo kanashiki wasuregusa makura ni musubu kishi no tabine wa

In the ever-falling showers, I am sad, indeed, so Of forgetful day-lily My pillow will I weave, Napping on my travels by the coast…

Horikawa
62

The Left’s poem is not bad in configuration and diction, but I would have preferred it had it said ‘no drips fall from the showers, too, yet’. As for the Right, saying that one is napping on one’s travels on the coast at Sumiyoshi, having woven a pillow from forgetful day-lilies does, indeed, sound evocative, but it would have been more so had there been a reason for the reference to day-lilies earlier in the poem. These tie, don’t they.