shigaraki no toyama no sue no hototogisu ta ga sato chikaki hatsune naruran
In Shigaraki At the foothills’ end A cuckoo By whose estate Might let out his first cry?
Takasuke 41
Right
橘のにほひを空に尋ねきて山時鳥なかぬ日ぞなき
tachibana no nioi o sora ni tazunekite yamahototogisu nakanu hi zo naki
Orange blossom’s familiar Scent within the skies I seek out, while The mountain cuckoo Fails to sing on not a single day…
Shimotsuke 42
The Left poem’s ‘near whose estate does it first call’ does not sound bad. The Right’s poem, too, seems to have no faults to mention, yet the Left still wins by a hair.
tsurenasa no tameshi wa ta zo tare nite mo hito nagekasete hate wa yoshi ya wa
For cold cruelty Who is your exemplar? Whoever it might be, Is causing one such grief A good thing, in the end?
Lord Morotoshi 57
Right (M – Win)
逢ふ事をまつの汀に年ふればしづえに波のかけぬ日ぞなき
au koto o matsu no migiwa ni toshi fureba shizue ni nami no kakenu hi zo naki
For a meeting Pining by the waters’ edge As the years go by— Lower boughs by waves Washed not on any day, at all…
Lord Sadanobu 58
Toshiyori states: it is impossible to say that that the configuration and diction of the first poem is anything special. In the second poem, ‘For a meeting / Pining by the waters’ edge’ has poetic qualities, but continuing with ‘Lower boughs by waves / Washed not on any day, at all’ does not seem like a love poem, and if the poet had wanted to allude to tears here, well, it just doesn’t sound like it, does it. The Left has the conception of a Love poem, but it language lacks elegance; the Right is smooth, but has only a faint conception of love, and thus these tie.
Mototoshi states: this poem’s diction is particularly bizarre. What an objectionably unpleasant feeling of love! One does see this in the passage giving the reply by Nakatomi no Tokuin, and then there seems to have been the poem ‘go on then, you creeper’, but that one continues extremely charmingly, while this sounds ghastly. Then ‘For a meeting / Pining by the waters’ edge’, truly is a charming composition, and the subsequent ‘Lower boughs by waves / Washed not on any day, at all’ seems entirely clear. It seems to approach the quality of Komachi’s poem, to me! This is a win for the Right, I have to say.
mizukuki no okabe no makuzu kareshi yori mi o akikaze no fukanu hi wa nashi
Since on Mizukuki Hillside the fair kudzu Has withered, distant has he become, The autumn wind upon my flesh, that he is done with me, Strikes me not on any day at all.
mezurashiki kyō no kasuga no yaotome o kami mo koishi to shinobazarame ya
Charming, Today at Kasuga Were maidens eight— Would the deity, too, such yearning Be unable to recall?[1]
1
In reply:
Left (Tie)
やをとめをかみししのばばゆふだすきかけてぞこひむけふのくれなば
yaotome o kami shi shinobaba yūdasuki kakete zo koimu kyō no kurenaba
If maidens eight The deity does recall, then Cords of mulberry cloth Would he hang that on this beloved Day evening should not fall…
2
Right
ちはやぶるかみしゆるさばかすがのにたつやをとめのいつかたゆべき
chihayaburu kami shi yurusaba kasuga no ni tatsu yaotome no itsuka tayubeki
Should the mighty Deity permit, Upon Kasuga plain Stand maidens eight— How long would they endure?
3
[1] A variant of this poem occurs in Shūishū: Composed when officials from the provinces presented twenty-one poems on the occasion of an imperial progress to Kasuga by the former Teiji Emperor in Engi 20: めづらしきけふのかすがのやをとめを神もうれしとしのばざらめや mezurashiki / kyō no kasuga no / yaotome o / kami mo ureshi to / shinobazareme ya ‘Charming, / Today at Kasuga / Were maidens eight— / Would the deity, too, such joy / Be unable to recall?’ Fujiwara no Tadafusa (SIS X: 620)
