iwa ga ne no koke no makura ni tsuyu okite iku yo miyama no tsuki ni nenuran
At the crags’ foot With moss for my pillow, and Awake until the dewfall, How many nights in the mountain deeps Have I slept beneath the moon.[i]
580
[i] See: On the conception of seeing the moon while travelling, while at a place called the Barrier Gate Hall. 草枕ほどぞへにける都いでていくよかたびの月にねぬらむ kusamakura / hodo zo henikeru / miyako idete / ikuyo ka tabi no / tsuki ni nenuramu ‘Grassy pillows / For a while have been my lot! / Since departing the capital / For some days on my travels / Will I sleep beneath the moon.’ Ōe no Yoshitoki (Shinkokinshū X: 931)
fujibakama kitemiru hito mo naki yado ni koisu chō na no ikade tachiken
My violet asters To come to see no one is There at my house, so Why has a rumour of love Arisen here?
Chikafusa 35
Right
わが恋ふる人もきてみぬ蘭何とてつゆの染めておくらん
wa ga kouru hito mo kiteminu fujibakama nani tote tsuyu no somete’okuran
I love him, yet That man has not come to see you O, asters, so Why does the dewfall Dye you in its falling?
The Head’s Daughter 36
The Left’s overall impression is not bad, but I am curious about why a rumour of love should darken the door of a house, if it’s one where ‘no one comes to see’. Then, the Right uses ‘Why does the dewfall / Dye you in its falling?’—this seems like an excessive use of diction and the sequencing doesn’t sound smooth, so these seem of about the same standard.
shinobine o wa ga sode nomi to omoishi o otorazarikeri hagi no shitazuyu
Secretly Upon my sleeves, alone, I thought, but ‘Twas not lesser than The dewfall ‘neath the bush clover.
Minor Captain Kin’nori, Fourth Rank 17
Right
色かはる萩の下葉の露けさは我が身のうへと成りにけるかな
iro kawaru hagi no shitaba no tsuyukesa wa wa ga mi no ue to narinikeru kana
A change of hue To the bush clover’s underleaves Drenched with dew— Upon my sorry self Has it befallen, too!
Tadasue, Senior Assistant Minister of the Sovereign’s Household 18
The image of the droplets of secretly wept upon the poet’s sleeves not being less than those of the dewdrops beneath the bush clover appears extremely charming and moving. In addition, the pain expressed by one’s sorry self being as dew-drenched as the bush clover’s underleaves—this has left my own sleeves, both left and right, seeming as soaked with dewdrops from the bush clover.
miyagino no ko no shitakaze ya suginuran tsuyu ni okururu akihagi no hana
On Miyagi Plain has The breeze beneath the trees Passed by? For Missing the dewfall are The autumn bush clover blooms…
Takasuke 57
Right
物おもふやどの物とてながむれば露にをれふす庭の萩原
mono’omou yado no mono tote nagamureba tsuyu ni orefusu niwa no hagiwara
Sunk in gloomy thought is The one who dwells here, I feel, When I gaze upon, Broken and tangled among the dewdrops, The bush clover grove in the grounds…
Shimotsuke 58
The Left poem’s ‘Missing the dewfall are the autumn bush clover’ sounds pleasant. The Right poem has no faults either, yet the Left should win.
