hito shirezu harenu nageki no aru mono o amaneku terase aki no yo no tsuki
Unknown to all A grief which never clears I have, so Shine without restraint, O, moon this autumn night!
His Excellency, Nagazane, Former Assistant Governor General of Dazai 3
Right
山の端のうき雲晴れてすみのぼる月と共にもゆくこころかな
yama no ha no ukigumo harete suminoboru tsuki to tomo ni yuku kokoro kana
At the mountains’ edge The drifting clouds unfurl, and Clearly climbing With the moon Goes my spirit!
Lady Hyōenokami 4
In the poem of the Left, the expression following ‘A grief which never clears / I have, so’ is both forceful and lacking in gentility; in addition, the poem of the Right’s ‘drifting clouds clear away’ and what follows seems stagnant, so the light of the moon these nights seems to be of the same standard.
Left and Right together state: there is no reason to make any criticisms here.
In judgement: although ‘beckon’ (sasou) in the Left’s poem should be ‘send’ (okuru), it is certainly elegant how it evokes thoughts of Captain Cheng travelling along the valley. The Right, beginning with ‘kindling’ (mashiba) and then having ‘grief in logs’ (nageki) sounds a little too similar, I think. The Left should win.
The Right state: we are not familiar with the expression ‘mountains of gloomy thought’ (mono’omoi no yama) used in the Left’s poem. The Left state: the Right’s poem has nothing significant to say.
In judgement: both poems use the wordplay of ‘ever verdant grief’ (shigeki nageki) and a ‘heart unfelled’ (korinu kokoro); they have no particular merits or faults. The round ties.
