Round Three

Left (T – Win)

時雨には色ならぬ身の袖笠もぬるればかをる物にぞ有りける

shigure ni wa iro naranu mi no sodegasa mo nurureba kaoru mono ni zo arikeru

When, amidst a shower My colourless Umbrella of sleeves Is soaked, something scented Does it become!

Lady Shōshō
5

Right (M – Win)

冬くれば散りしく庭のならの葉に時雨音なふみ山べのさと

fuyu kureba chirishiku niwa no nara no ha ni shigure oto nau miyamabe no sato

When the winter comes Scattered and spread across the grounds Are oak leaves, Sounding among the showers On this deep mountain estate…

Lord Masakane
6

Toshiyori states: the first poem has ‘my colourless’—does this mean that the garment the poet is wearing is white? Or that the speaker is lacking in passion? If the garment is white, then it’s difficult to say that it changes colours, while if one is lacking in passion, it’s also difficult to see the connection with an umbrella of sleeves being scented. In general, though, the poem’s style is lacking in fault. The second poem appears to have replicated all the faults of an earlier work. While one can certainly say ‘Oak leaves / Scattered and spread’, saying ‘Scattered and spread / Oak leaves’ gives one the feeling that something is out of sequence. This is a bit unreasonable, but because it’s difficult to avoid the faults of its earlier model, I still feel it should lose.

Mototoshi states: one really wants to know what sort of lack there is. The poem says ‘soaked, something scented’, but doesn’t reference an earlier work which, for example, mentions plum blossom. Still, I feel that ‘Sounding among the showers / On this deep mountain’ is conspicuously good.