Left (Win)
今さらにたれに心をうつうつすらむ我とすみ絵はかき絶えにけり
| ima sara ni tare ni kokoro o utsusuramu ware to sumi e wa kakitaenikeri |
Now, once again, To whom will his heart Shift? His reflection in A drawing of ink, is all that’s left Drawn, now he no longer lives with me… |
Lord Ari’ie
1107
Right
跡もなく色になり行言の葉やすみ絵ををとむる木立成らん
| ato mo naku iro ni nariyuki koto no ha ya sumi e o tomuru kodachi naruran |
No lines remain, All is turned to colour; Will his leaves of words Remain here at my home, as an ink Sketch of a grove? |
Lord Takanobu
1108
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults in particular. The Left state: why would you say that an ink drawing that remains ‘leaves no trace’? We would have preferred it had it been ‘colours most fair’ (iro masaru).
In judgement: both Left and Right have the conception of ‘ink drawings’ (sumie) and, when viewed together, I do not feel that they show much promise, but the Right, beginning with ‘no lines remain’ (ato mo naku) which I do not feel is in tune with the latter part of the poem, in addition, then concludes with ‘sketch of a grove’ (kodachi naruran) which is undesirable. The Left’s ‘a drawing of ink, is all that’s left’ (ware to sumi e wa) is a metaphorical expression which at least strives at charm. Thus, I must say that the Left is superior.