sumiyoshi to kikoyuru sato ni itowazu wa okidokoro naki mi o yadosaba ya
A pleasant place to live is Sumiyoshi’s Estate, or so I’ve heard, but If it provide no comfort, then My restless Self might it attract…
Lord Kinshige 103
Right
すぎていにしあきにおくれてしもがるるきくやわがみのたぐひなるらむ
sugite inishi aki ni okurete shimogaruru kiku ya wa ga mi no tagui naruramu
Past and gone is Autumn, but lingering, Frost-burned Chrysanthemums—is my sorry self Just like them, I wonder?
Enjitsu 104
Neither the poem of the Left, nor of the Right, sound as if they have any particular faults. Nevertheless, in the case of such poems the assessment varies depending upon the speaker. While the poem of the Left is, indeed, pitiful, it also sounds a bit crude. It would be elegant, I think, if it were a woman’s poem. As for the Right’s poem, if we take it as an expression of grief over orphanhood, then in the final analysis it’s charming as it matches the conception of a scion of a noble house picturing himself as the monarch of the flowers. Then again, we do have the poem by the Enkyū Third Prince:
うゑおきしきみもなきよにとしへたる花は我が身のここちこそすれ
ueokishi kimi mo naki yo ni toshi hetaru hana wa wa ga mi no kokochi koso sure
You planted them here, My Lord, though gone from this world, These many years past— The flowers and my sorry self Both feel the same…[1]
This would seem to be in the same vein. Given that the speaker of both poems is unclear, for the moment, these tie.
[1] Composed when viewing the blossom at the Enshūji and recalling former Emperor Gosanjō (KYS IX: 518).
tsukikage wa saenikerashina kamigaki ya yorube no mizu ni tsurara’iru made
The moonlight Seems so chill, that In the sacred grounds Jars of proffered water Are rimmed with icicles…
Lord Fujiwara no Kiyosuke Junior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade Without Office[1] 7
Right
つきかげにかなづるきねがころもではゆきをめぐらすここちこそすれ
tsukikage ni kanazuru kine ga koromode wa yuki o megurasu kokochi koso sure
In the moonlight Dancing, the priests’ Sleeves Stir the snow— That’s how I feel…
Lord Consultant Fujiwara no Sanetsuna Major Controller of the Left Chief Inspector of the Records of Outgoing Officials Supernumerary Governor of Awa Exalted Junior Third Rank[1] 8
In the Left’s poem, the expression ‘Jars of proffered water / Are rimmed with icicles’ appears to make for a pleasant sequence but seems to have some dubious elements. First of all, I am aware that ‘proffered water’ is mentioned in the Tale of Genji in a poem on the day of the Kamo Festival: ‘That may be, but / Even in the jars of proffered water / Might not appear’[3], but beyond that, it is not used in prior poetry.[i] The water here sounds rather crude to these ears of mine; when one is using figurative language, although it seems possible to do so about any shrine, when referring to the moon before this one, to ignore a description of ice upon the surface of the sea or the beach being spread with pure white gemstones and simply to focus on ‘jars of proffered water’ and say one feels it ‘seems so chill’—well, I do wonder about that! As for the Right’s poem, the movements of a dance have long been described as ‘flurrying snow’ in the poetry of Cathay and now here we have the moonlight appearing to ‘stir the snow’—the conception here appears truly charming, but then we have the section saying ‘Dancing, the priests’: while it’s not that this turn of phrase has never been used before, it does not sound particularly elegant. While the Left does have vague sections, its configuration as a whole is fine. Thus, I think it has to win once more.
[2]Sangi jūsan’i-gyō sadaiben ken kageyu no kami awa gonkami Fujiwara ason Sanetsuna 参議従三位行左大弁兼勘解由長官阿波権守藤原朝臣実綱
[3] This poem appears in Maboroshi 幻, the forty-first chapter of the Tale of Genji (Genji monogatari 源氏物語). It is spoken by Chūjō, one of Genji’s ladies-in-waiting, after he has found her asleep, with her clothing in disorder one morning and flirtatiously suggested, as she has struggled to get dressed, that it has been so long since he has made love that he has forgotten how. She replies: さもこそはよるべの水に水草ゐめけふのかざしよ名さへ忘るる sa mo koso wa / yorube no mizu ni / mizukusa ime / kyō no kazashi yo / na sae wasururu ‘That may be, but / In the jars of proffered water / Waterweed grows old, perhaps, yet / To say that the blossom in your hair today / Has had its name forgotten? Really…’ (Genji monogatari 573). Genji is charmed by this reply and the narrator dryly notes, ‘He seemed not to have rejected her at least’ (Tyler 2001, 773) (hitori bakari wa oboshihanatanu keshiki nari 一人ばかりをば思し放たぬけしきなり (Imaizumi, Mori, and Wokazaki 1976, 872)). The version of the poem Shunzei quotes comes from an alternate version of the Genji text, which is now not regarded as authoritative.
[i] Kubota et al. (2024, 427) note that Shunzei is mistaken here, as there are prior examples of related expressions’ usage, by Izumi Shikibu, among others. For example: …she folded some paper into the shape of an offering, wrote this upon it and sent it.神かけてきみはあらがふたれかさはよるべにたまる水といひける kami kakete / kimi wa aragau / tare ka sa wa / yorube ni tamaru / mizu to iikeru ‘Before the Gods / My Lord, dispute with you / Who would? ‘Twould be as / Proffered jars filling / With water…’ (Izumi Shikibu-shū 109).
