ochikata ya kumoi no yama no hototogisu ama tsu yoso ni mo nakiwataru kana
From the distant Mount within the clouds A cuckoo In yonder heavens Sings his song!
Lord Saburō 17
Right
ほととぎすしのだのもりのしのびねをたづねざりせばいかできかまし
hototogisu shinoda no mori no shinobine o tazunezariseba ikade kikamashi
A cuckoo In Shinoda’s sacred grove Lets out a hushed cry; Had I not come to visit here, How might I have heard it?
Ushigimi 18
In regards the poem of the Left’s ‘from the distant’ and what follows, extremely recently and colloquially, at the Nakatomi purification ceremony it seems there was a composition, ‘in the distance, below the trees so lush’. This diction is contrary to the expected style of waka and something which occurs only extremely rarely. Truly, one does not compose using such diction in a poetry match. The poem of the Right has nothing of interest about it, yet it also lack faults to mention, so it wins.
This round, neither poem appears bad. The Left has a novel style, while the Right seems cliched, but its expression is smooth. I wonder if we could see these as a tie.
kuchi oshi ya kumoigakure ni sumu tatsu mo omou hito ni wa miekeru mono o
How bitter am I! Hidden ‘mongst the clouds Dwell dragons—even they To one thinking fondly of them Do appear, yet…
Lord Toshiyori 51
Right (M – Win)
かつみれど猶ぞ恋しきわぎもこがゆつのつまぐしいかでささまし
katsu miredo nao zo koishiki wagimoko ga yutsu no tsumagushi ikade sasamashi
I have seen her once, yet Even more desirable is My darling girl— As a fine comb How would I wear her in my hair?
Lord Mototoshi 52
Toshiyori states: the first poem is one which appears to be incomprehensible to a particularly limitless extent. In the second poem, the ‘fine comb’ referred to is the one which Susanoo transformed Princess Inada and placed in his divine locks upon their first meeting. This poem has ‘I have seen her once’ and thus appears to have a conception that they have already met. The final section has ‘How would I wear her in my hair?’, which makes it seem that the comb has yet to be placed there. This appears to differ from the original tale. One could ask the poet whether he has mistaken this ancient tale—perhaps he has simply remembered it wrong? It’s not possible to decide upon a winner or loser.
[N.B.: Mototoshi mistakes Toshiyori’s use of tatsu (‘dragon’) for tazu (crane)—the two words were written identically. Toshiyori didn’t bother to correct him at the time of the match, but when Tadamichi asked for judges’ thoughts in writing after the event, he simply wrote, ‘It’s not a crane, but a dragon!’]
Mototoshi states: composing ‘how bitter am I’ and suchlike is something which I have yet to encounter in a poem in a poetry match. Someone said long ago that in both the poems of Yamato and Cathay one should select diction as fruit develop from blossom, and bearing that in mind, well, I have never seen such diction used in many personal collections and poetry matches and, it goes without saying, certainly not in the initial section. On the matter of ‘hidden ‘mongst the clouds dwell cranes’: this is something which has yet to appear in poetry. I wonder whether it appears in texts from Cathay? Possibly composed on the conception of ‘cranes crying beneath the sun’ in the Account of the World? The subsequent line should be ‘clouds spread broadly blue I see cranes so white’. It seems to be saying ‘flying hidden in the clouds’—meaning that cranes should live in the clouds. The cocks of Huainan entered the clouds—again, maybe that is a reference to cranes? Moreover, in Master Fu Qiu’s Classic on the Aspect of Cranes it states that cranes, at the age of one hundred and eighty years, come together as males and females for mating—if that is the case, then how does this relate to human beings? Furthermore, I feel the poem is illogical in the absence of a location where they could live, hidden in the clouds. Overall, this poem has an inappropriate conception and diction, too. The poem of the Right has no errors of diction and its tone is not that bad, so perhaps it would not be mistaken to say it’s a little superior.
[1] Fujiwara no Kiyotada 藤原清正 (?-953): one of the Thirty-Six Poetic Immortals and a minor courtier. As well as being included in Shinkokinshū, this poem is also listed in Wakan rōeishū (II: 453), Kiyotada’s personal collection, Kiyotada-shū (89) and also the personal collection of Fujiwara no Tadami 藤原忠見, Tadami-shū (143). While Wakan rōeishū simply gives the topic of the poem as ‘Cranes’, the personal collections provide more information. Tadami states that the poem was ‘Sent to the Shōni Palace Lady to present in his place when he was of about the age to be admitted to the Courtier’s Hall and had become Governor of Kii’ making the waka a plea for further advancement at court. Kiyotada himself simply says ‘When I had become Governor of Kii and had not yet been permitted to enter the Courtier’s Hall.’ Tanaka and Akase (1992, 502) note that Kiyotada was appointed Governor of Kii while still a Chamberlain at Sixth Rank, when this was usually a post held by someone of Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade, the lowest rank at which a man would be permitted to enter the Courtier’s Hall (tenjō no ma 殿上間) and have direct contact with the emperor. The poem is, thus, simultaneously, an expression of gratitude for imperial favour (the ‘heavenly wind’) to him (‘the crane’) which has made him Governor of Ki – the province where Fukei is located, and a plea that he be allowed above ‘the clouds’ (into the Courtier’s Hall), which is subtly laced with resentment (‘Why haven’t I had the promotion in rank which this post would normally bring?’)!
