Tag Archives: kurokami

Love V: 5

Left (Tie).

iwanu ma wa
omou mo kokoro
sa wa itsuwari no
yume ya mitemashi
While he’s said not a word,
If love in his heart
Arrived for my white hair,
Then a false dream
Would I see in truth?

Lord Kanemune.


koi someshi
kokoro no iro ni
tsumu toshi wa
wa ga kurogami ni
Since I first awoke to love
The hues of passion in my heart by
The drifting years
Upon my raven tresses
Are made clear.


The Right state: is this a reference to the recent poem ‘seeing a dream with white hair’ (yume o miru to mo tsukumogami)? The Left state: ‘drifting years’ (tsumu toshi) is grating on the ear.

In judgement: both poems refer to hair, and the Gentlemen of the Right have asked whether the Left are referring to a ‘recent poem’, and I wonder when this poem might have been composed? It is impossible to entirely avoid referring to poems which are not included in the anthologies. Needless to say, though, it is normal for one’s poems not to resemble others to a great extent. In addition, I do not feel that ‘drifting years’ is that grating on the ear. However, simply saying ‘Upon my raven tresses are made clear’ (wa ga kurogami ni arawarenikeri) does not convey a strong sense of gray hair, I think. Finally, the configuration of the Left’s ‘then a false dream’ (sa wa itsuwari no) is particularly unacceptable, I think. So, a tie.


Love IV: 10


asa tode no
imo ga furikosu
kurokami wa
miru yosome sae
kokoro midarenu
In the morning, opening the door
Draped with my love’s
Tresses of black:
The sight any
Heart would excite!



oshimishi sode no
utsuriga o
yoso ni mo ima wa
omoi koso yare
To leave, upon my sleeves
Her scent was left, and
Now, so far away,
It recalls her still…


The Right state: the Left’s poem is pretentious. The Left state: the conception of morning fails to appear in the Right’s poem.

In judgement: Although the Left’s ‘tresses of black’ (kurokami) is used extremely frequently, the configuration of combining it with ‘my love, opening the door in the morning’ (asa tode no imo) whose ‘sight any heart would excite’ (miru yosome sae kokoro midare) is terrifying, is it not? The Right’s ‘upon my sleeves her scent was left’ (sode no utsuriga) does not sound objectionable. Although the conception of morning there is lacking, the Left simply has ‘tresses of black’ the ‘heart would excite’, which does not sound particularly in keeping with Love so, overall, the round should tie.

Love 72

Left (Tie).


semete omou
ima hitotabi no
au koto
wataran kawa ya
chigiri narubeki
Do I feel, at least,
Now, once more
To meet with you, that
I would cross death’s river from
The bond we share?


Right (Tie).


sono kurokami
sujigoto ni
uchifusu hodo wa
omokage zo tatsu
I combed
Your black tresses
Strand by strand;
Now I lay me down alone,
Your face stands out before me.