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Eien narabō uta'awase

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Round Seven

Left

かすがやまちえにさかゆるさかきばはよろづよまでのきみがためか

kasugayama
chie ni sakayuru
sakakiba wa
yorozuyo made no
kimi ga tame ka		Upon Kasuga Mountain
A thousand branches grow,
Leafy, on the sacred tree—
Until ten thousand ages pass
Will they ward my Lord!

Lady Kazusa
69

Right

君がよはいふかぎりなしみよしののこがねがみねにみよをまつまで

kimi ga yo wa
iu kagiri nashi
miyoshino no
kogane ga mine ni
miyo o matsu made		My Lord’s reign—
Words cannot describe:
‘til fair Yoshino’s
Golden peak’s
Age one must await!

Lady Shikibu
70

The poem of the Left seems poetic to an extraordinarily outlandish degree! The poem of the Right’s ‘‘til fair Yoshino’s / Golden peak’s / Age one must await!’ has a sufficient conception of felicitation. Thus, these tie.

That the Left is addressed to Mount Kasuga is highly admirable. Is the Right’s ‘golden peak’ a reference to Mount Mitake? It’s very difficult to say anything profound here. Arbitrarily, I would make this a tie—the quality of the poems makes that seem right.

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Round Six

Left (Win)

うれしさはおほつのはまにたつなみのかずもしられぬきみがみよかな

ureshisa wa
ōtsu no hama ni
tatsu nami no
kazu mo shirarenu
kimi ga miyo kana		My joy is
Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach
Break waves
In numbers quite unknown,
Such is my Lord’s reign most fair!

Cell of Fragrant Cloud
67

Right

かすがやまみねのしらがしよろづよをきみにといへばかみもいさめず

kasugayama
mine no shiragashi
yorozuyo o
kimi ni to ieba
kami mo isamezu		Kasuga Mountain has
White-barked evergreen oaks upon its peak:
‘Ten thousand generations
For my Lord!’—should I say that,
The God will surely not refuse!

Cell of Compassionate Light
68

The poem of the Left’s ‘Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach’ and what follows is something that sounds grievously prosaic. With that said, there are many parts of the poem which are not. What is the poem of the Right’s ‘White-barked evergreen oaks on its peak / Ten thousand generations’ linked with in the remainder of the poem? I wonder what it’s composed about… The Left doesn’t contain any errors, so I still say it wins.

The Left’s poem, as I have said in an earlier round, appears to lack smoothness. Is the poem of the Right’s ‘white-barked evergreen oaks’ a long-standing expression? I can’t seem to recall a prior precedent. ‘The God will surely not refuse’ is vague, too. Is it asking the deity’s favour for the speaker? While I am somewhat hesitant, given my appallingly constricted knowledge, I will, fearfully, say that this is inferior.

Eien narabō uta'awase

Eien narabō uta’awase 33

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Round Five

Left

君がよはながゐのうらのはまかぜにたつしらなみのかずもしられず

kimi ga yo wa
nagai no ura no
hamakaze ni
tatsu shiranami no
kazu mo shirarezu		My Lord’s reign:
At Nagai Bay
The beach breezes
Rouse the whitecaps
In number entirely unknown.

Controller’s Graduate
65

Right

きみがよをまつちのやまのこまつばらちよのけしきを見るぞうれしき

kimi ga yo o
matsuchi no yama no
komatsubara
chiyo no keshiki o
miru zo ureshiki		My Lord’s reign
Awaiting upon Matsuchi Mountain
The pine seedling groves
The sight for a thousand ages
Joyfully will see!

Kerin’in Graduate
66

It’s impossible to decide on a winner or loser between the Left and the Right here in terms of conception, diction and overall style. To put it in general terms, I must make this round a further tie.

Neither Left nor Right is remarkable, but nor do they have any faults to mention. I’d make this round a tie.

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Eien narabō uta’awase 32

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Round Four

Left

うちむれていはねにねざすこまつばのきぎのちとせはきみぞかぞへむ

uchimurete
iwane ni nezasu
komatsuba no
kigi no chitose wa
kimi zo kazoemu		Crowding
At the crags’ foot, roots stretching,
The dwarf pines’ needles with
The trees’ thousand years—
My Lord may count them all!

Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
63

Right (Win)

たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや

tatoubeki
mono koso nakere
kimi ga yo wa
hama no masago mo
kazu nakarame ya		A suitable metaphor
Is there none, at all!
My Lord’s reign:
Even the fair sands on the shore
Would not exceed its number…

Cell of Everlasting Truth
64

Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.

I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.

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Round Three

Left[i]

君が代は神にぞいのる住之江の松の千年をゆづれとおもへば

kimi ga yo wa
kami ni zo inoru
suminoe no
matsu no chitose o
yuzure to omoeba		My Lord’s reign:
To the gods I pray, that
Suminoe’s
Pines their thousand years
Pass on—that is my hope…

Retired from the World
61a

きみがへむやちよのかずはあめにますとよをかひめの神やしるらん

kimi ga hemu
yachiyo no kazu wa
ame ni masu
toyo’okahime no
kami ya shiruran		That my Lord will endure
The number of eight thousand ages—
Residing in the heavens,
The Goddess of the Eternal Hills,
The deity, knows well, no doubt!

Retired from the World
61b

Right (Win)

君がよはつきじとぞおもふ春の日の御笠の山にささむかぎりは

kimi ga yo wa
tsukiji to zo omou
haru no hi no
mikasa no yama ni
sasamu kagiri wa		My Lord’s reign
Will never fade, I feel!
While in spring the sun
Upon Mikasa Mountain
Shines down…

Senior Assistant Minister Past Lecturer
62

Both Left and Right have neither strengths nor weakness in their diction and sense, but I feel that ‘While in spring the sun / Upon Mikasa Mountain / Shines down’ is a bit more dependable at present than ‘Suminoe’s / Pines their thousand years’.

It is certainly not the case that there are no dubious elements about the Left’s poem. As ‘eight thousand ages’ is a definite number, what is it that the Goddess of the Eternal Hills is expected to know? If this is something in the deity’s hands, then it should be, ‘does not even know the number’. I’m sure the Goddess herself would ask what she’s expected to know. The Right seems stronger.

[i] There are different poems by Eien this round in different versions of the text of the contest. As can be inferred from the judgements, Mototoshi saw the first poem and Toshiyori the second. This strongly suggests that Mototoshi’s judgements were circulated before the text of the contest was submitted to Toshiyori, and Eien revised his poem this round as a result (Kubota et al. 2018, 308).

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Round Two

Left (Win)

君がよはあまのいはとをいづるひのいくめぐりてふかずもしられず

kimi ga yo wa
ama no iwato o
izuru hi no
iku meguri chō
kazu mo shirarezu		My Lord’s reign:
Since from the stone door in the heavens
Emerged the sun,
‘How many circuits has she made?’, they ask—
A number quite unknown.

Lord Saburō
59

Right

みかさやまふもとのさとはあめのしたふるにおもひもあらじとぞ思ふ

mikasayama
fumoto no sato wa
ame no shita
furu ni omoi mo
araji to zo omou		At Mikasa Moutain’s
Foot, in a hamlet
‘neath the heavens
Passing time—painful thoughts
There I’d have not a one, I feel!

Ushigimi
60

The Left’s poem goes beyond the general flow of diction, containing mystery and depth. I have to say it is truly superior. While the Right’s poem has no faults to mention, it has yet to emerge from prosaic expression. Thus, the Left wins.

The ‘stone door in the heavens’ is that which the supreme sun-deity Amaterasu stood before and then entered. But when we’re talking about dawn breaking at the end of night, we say ‘gates of heaven’. Which of these two was did the poet have in mind, I wonder? If he was thinking of dawn breaking, then the usage is erroneous, but even if he did mean ‘stone door of the heavens’, then do we use this about the circuits of the sun? This is vague. In addition, the final ‘they ask’ is difficult to pronounce. As for the Right’s poem, ‘‘neath the heavens’ lacks emotion. The dual use of ‘thoughts’ and ‘feels’, as I have already remarked, is not an error, but does grate on the ears a bit.

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Eien narabō uta’awase 29

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Felicitations

Round One

Left

みどりなるまつかげひたすいけ水にちよのすみかとみゆるやどかな

midori naru
matsukage hitasu
ikemizu ni
chiyo no sumika to
miyuru yado kana		Evergreen
The pine tree’s shapes sink
Into the pond waters—
A residence for a thousand ages
Does that dwelling seem!

Lord Dainagon
57

Right (Win)

ちとせともいろにはいでていはし水ながれむほどは君がよなれば

chitose to mo
iro ni wa idete
iwashimizu
nagaremu hodo wa
kimi ga yo nareba		For a thousand years or more
Does its hue emerge—
Spring waters from the rocks
Might flow as long as
My Lord’s reign will be, so…

Lord Chūnagon
58

What on earth might be the colour of the Left poem’s ‘pine tree’s shapes sink’ and the Right poem’s ‘thousand years’ hue’? When one talks about ‘hue’ that means ‘scarlet’ and, in addition, it’s used of blossoms or autumn leaves. I have yet to see wisteria colouring the water in numerous private collections. The two poems are about the same, but the Right is marred by a series of faults.

The Left’s ‘shapes sink’ is extremely vague. ‘Sink’ means to submerge an object in water. One could certainly compose about a pine tree’s branches sinking, but how can we accept ‘shapes sink’ to mean an object’s reflection from beneath the water in the absence of a poem as precedent? The end is extremely, charming, though.

The poem of the Right doesn’t have anything special about it. It’s a pedestrian affair which doesn’t seem to show much evidence of thought. How are we to distinguish between a poem which is hackneyed but lacking any faults and one which is vague?

Naidaijin-ke uta’awase gen’ei gan-nen jūgatsu futsuka

Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 28

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Round Four

Left (Both Judges – Win)

こひわぶる君が雲ゐの月ならば及ばぬ身にも影はみてまし

koiwaburu
kimi ga kumoi no
tsuki naraba
oyobanu mi ni mo
kage wa mitemashi		So cruel in your love,
My lord, above the clouds
The moon were you, then
Though it reaches me not
I wish your light to see…

Lady Kazusa
55

Right

いのるらん神のたたりはなさるとも逢ふてふ事に身をばけがさじ

inoruran
kami no tatari wa
nasaru tomo
au chō koto ni
mi oba kegasaji		You seem to pray for it, and
Even should a deity’s taboo
This break,
A meeting
Would be no pollution, I feel…

Lord Akinaka
56

Toshiyori states: the first poem makes a person into the moon, and is different in sense from the poem in the Tentoku poetry match which also uses ‘Though it reaches me not’. The second poem appears to be one written after becoming close to another—if that’s what the composition is about, then it should include an element from a prior poem for precedent. Then again, one could compose like this as a response to a prayer received from a man’s residence, in which case it would resemble something sent between people who have yet to meet. It loses.

Mototoshi states: saying ‘My lord, above the clouds / The moon were you, then’ appears an elegant sequence. I wonder if it was composed with the poem by Nakatsukasa in a poetry match in Tenryaku, where she uses ‘above the clouds, the moon’? While the ‘beloved light’ in this poem is very well depicted, here the diction seems stilted. As for the Right, up to ‘You seem to pray for it, and /Even should a deity’s taboo’ is acceptable, but ‘A meeting / Would be no pollution, I feel’ is extremely difficult to understand. Would a meeting, of whatever sort, be a cause of pollution? It really makes me feel as if something like ‘ditch’ was going to be dropped in! Neither has a charming conception, yet ‘above the clouds, the moon’ is slightly better in the present context.

Naidaijin-ke uta’awase gen’ei gan-nen jūgatsu futsuka

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Round Eleven

Left (Both Judges – Tie)

こけのむす岩ねに残る八重ぎくはや千代さくとも君ぞみるべき

koke no musu
iwane ni nokoru
yaegiku wa
yachiyo saku tomo
kimi zo mirubeki		Choked with moss are
The crags where linger
Eightfold chrysanthemums:
E’en were they eight thousand ages a’bloom
My Lord would have beheld them, no doubt!

Lady Shinano
45

Right

霜がれに我ひとりとや白菊の色をかへても人にみすらん

shimogare ni
ware hitori to ya
shiragiku no
iro o kaetemo
hito ni misuran		‘Burned by frost
‘Tis me alone!’ thinks
A white chrysanthemum,
Changing hue
To show to folk, for sure.

Lord Tokimasa
46

Toshiyori states: I wonder if there is a poem as precedent for chrysanthemums lingering beneath moss-covered crags? If not, it’s a very crude expression. The ending of the poem is antiquated, too. As for the second poem ‘“Tis me alone!” thinks’ does not sound satisfactory. The assembled company settled the matter of the final ‘folk’, so I must make this a tie.

Mototoshi states: whether they are placed by a brushwood fence, or at the base of a crag, chrysanthemums feel like pines. As for the Right, having a chrysanthemum seem to think ‘‘tis me alone’ is speculative—had it been something like ‘this bloom opens’ then it would have been the poet’s thoughts. Neither of these is of quality to win or lose, so I make them a tie.