arashi fuku matsu no kozue ni kiri harete kami mo kokoro ya suminoe no tsuki
The storm wind blows Across the treetops of the pines, Clearing the mists away— I wonder, is the Deity’s heart at Suminoe beneath the moon?
Lord Fujiwara no Sadanaga Junior Assistant Minister of Central Affairs Exalted Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[ii] 34
The Left’s poem appears to be about chill fallen snow spread upon Tsumori Bay, so in saying that the waters bounding the sacred grounds cannot conceal the hue, it appears to be saying that the moon’s light is white, but I wonder if the diction is a bit insufficient to convey this? It seems to me that it simply says that although snow has fallen on the waters bounding the sacred grounds, their hue has not changed—doesn’t it? As for the Right’s poem, I can say that its conception and configuration are pleasant, but it begins with ‘the storm wind blows’ and one cannot say ‘storm wind’ along with ‘beach pines’. One can understand this based on the poem ‘Yes, the mountain wind / Is aptly named “Storm”‘. Still, the poem’s configuration does appear pleasant. Again, I make this a tie.
ominaeshi izure no aki ka miezarishi nohara no kiri ni tachi na kakure so
O, maidenflower, In which autumn is it, that You have remained unseen? In the mists upon the meadow Stand and don’t hide yourself!
Kataoka Shrine Priest Kamo no Masahira 17
Right
心から夜のまの露にしほたれてあさじめりする女郎花かな
kokoro kara yo no ma no tsuyu ni shiotarete asajimerisuru ominaeshi kana
Her heart Throughout the night with dewdrops Drenches her, Dripping with morning tears is The maidenflower!
Fujiwara no Koreyuki, Supernumerary Junior Assistant Minster of the Sovereign’s Household 18
The Left is extremely absorbingly composed. As for the Right, though, I wonder about the use of being ‘drenched with dewdrops’—while it does put me in mind of fisherfolk at Ise, because it fails to indicate anything in the conception of the topic, it should lose, I think.