I wrote this on a fan with a picture of a cuckoo on it, which I had sent, with other things, to the residence of a person who was going up to Michinoku around the Fifth Month.
たち別れいなばの山のほととぎすまつとつげこせかへりくるがに
tachiwakare inaba no yama no hototogisu matsu to tsugekose kaerikuru gani
Left and departed, so If you go to Inaba Mountain, O, cuckoo, Tell her that I’m pining for her, and Wish she would swiftly return…[i]
603
[i] See: Topic unknown. 立ちわかれいなばの山の峰におふる松としきかば今かへりこむ tachiwakare / inaba no yama no / mine ni ouru / matsu to shi kikaba / ima kaerikomu ‘Left and departed— / If I go, to the mounts of Inaba / Where on the peaks, the aged / Pines; hearing you did so / I would return at once.’ Ariwara no Yukihira (Kokinshū VIII: 365)
iwa ga ne no koke no makura ni tsuyu okite iku yo miyama no tsuki ni nenuran
At the crags’ foot With moss for my pillow, and Awake until the dewfall, How many nights in the mountain deeps Have I slept beneath the moon.[i]
580
[i] See: On the conception of seeing the moon while travelling, while at a place called the Barrier Gate Hall. 草枕ほどぞへにける都いでていくよかたびの月にねぬらむ kusamakura / hodo zo henikeru / miyako idete / ikuyo ka tabi no / tsuki ni nenuramu ‘Grassy pillows / For a while have been my lot! / Since departing the capital / For some days on my travels / Will I sleep beneath the moon.’ Ōe no Yoshitoki (Shinkokinshū X: 931)
kimi ga yo wa kami ni zo inoru suminoe no matsu no chitose o yuzure to omoeba
My Lord’s reign: To the gods I pray, that Suminoe’s Pines their thousand years Pass on—that is my hope…
Retired from the World 61a
きみがへむやちよのかずはあめにますとよをかひめの神やしるらん
kimi ga hemu yachiyo no kazu wa ame ni masu toyo’okahime no kami ya shiruran
That my Lord will endure The number of eight thousand ages— Residing in the heavens, The Goddess of the Eternal Hills, The deity, knows well, no doubt!
Retired from the World 61b
Right (Win)
君がよはつきじとぞおもふ春の日の御笠の山にささむかぎりは
kimi ga yo wa tsukiji to zo omou haru no hi no mikasa no yama ni sasamu kagiri wa
My Lord’s reign Will never fade, I feel! While in spring the sun Upon Mikasa Mountain Shines down…
Senior Assistant Minister Past Lecturer 62
Both Left and Right have neither strengths nor weakness in their diction and sense, but I feel that ‘While in spring the sun / Upon Mikasa Mountain / Shines down’ is a bit more dependable at present than ‘Suminoe’s / Pines their thousand years’.
It is certainly not the case that there are no dubious elements about the Left’s poem. As ‘eight thousand ages’ is a definite number, what is it that the Goddess of the Eternal Hills is expected to know? If this is something in the deity’s hands, then it should be, ‘does not even know the number’. I’m sure the Goddess herself would ask what she’s expected to know. The Right seems stronger.
[i] There are different poems by Eien this round in different versions of the text of the contest. As can be inferred from the judgements, Mototoshi saw the first poem and Toshiyori the second. This strongly suggests that Mototoshi’s judgements were circulated before the text of the contest was submitted to Toshiyori, and Eien revised his poem this round as a result (Kubota et al. 2018, 308).
kimi ga yo wa ama no iwato o izuru hi no iku meguri chō kazu mo shirarezu
My Lord’s reign: Since from the stone door in the heavens Emerged the sun, ‘How many circuits has she made?’, they ask— A number quite unknown.
Lord Saburō 59
Right
みかさやまふもとのさとはあめのしたふるにおもひもあらじとぞ思ふ
mikasayama fumoto no sato wa ame no shita furu ni omoi mo araji to zo omou
At Mikasa Moutain’s Foot, in a hamlet ‘neath the heavens Passing time—painful thoughts There I’d have not a one, I feel!
Ushigimi 60
The Left’s poem goes beyond the general flow of diction, containing mystery and depth. I have to say it is truly superior. While the Right’s poem has no faults to mention, it has yet to emerge from prosaic expression. Thus, the Left wins.
The ‘stone door in the heavens’ is that which the supreme sun-deity Amaterasu stood before and then entered. But when we’re talking about dawn breaking at the end of night, we say ‘gates of heaven’. Which of these two was did the poet have in mind, I wonder? If he was thinking of dawn breaking, then the usage is erroneous, but even if he did mean ‘stone door of the heavens’, then do we use this about the circuits of the sun? This is vague. In addition, the final ‘they ask’ is difficult to pronounce. As for the Right’s poem, ‘‘neath the heavens’ lacks emotion. The dual use of ‘thoughts’ and ‘feels’, as I have already remarked, is not an error, but does grate on the ears a bit.
