Left (Tie).
小雨降る葛飾早稲を刈るまゝに民の袖さへうるほひにけり
| kosame furu katsushika wase o karu mama ni tami no sode sae uruoinikeri |
Showers fall in Katsushika; early ripened rice Reaping, Even the peasants’ sleeves Are damp. |
371
Right (Tie).
小萩咲く片山陰に日晩の鳴すさびたる村雨のそら
| kohagi saku katayamakage ni higurashi no nakisu sabitaru murasame no sora |
Bush clover blooming In the mountain’s shade; The sundown cicadas Sing intermittently To the showery skies. |
372
Neither team has any criticisms to make.
Shunzei say, ‘The style and construction of both poems is superb, though the Left’s is particularly archaic in tone, and thus using mama ni in the central section is somewhat weak, is it not? Surely, “Whilst reaping” (karu nae ni) would have been a better fit! The Right’s simple conclusion of “showery skies” (murasame no sora) is particularly effective. However, the Left, too, with “even the peasants’ sleeves” (tami no sode sae) shows a fine spirit. The two poems are a match and tie.’
Left (Win).
降り暮す小萩がもとの庭の雨を今夜は荻の上に聞く哉
| furikurasu kohagi ga moto no niwa no ame o koyoi wa ogi no ue ni kiku kana |
Falling with the darkness To the solitary bush-clover’s roots The rain within my garden Tonight, on the silver grass I hear. |
369
Right.
荻原や野邊の秋風末分てさびしさ添ふる村雨の聲
| ogiwara ya nobe no aki kaze sue wakete sabishisa souru murasame no koe |
Silver grass meadows – Across the fields the autumn wind Brushes the fronds; Adding loneliness to The whisper of showers… |
370
The Right say, ‘In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the rain falls in daytime on “the solitary bush-clover’s roots” (kohagi ga moto) and at night “on the silver grass” (ogi no ue).’ The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei judges, ‘I see no fault in saying that the “rain falling with the darkness” (furikurasu ame) is something one can see on the bush clover’s roots during the day, but only hear at night. As for the Right, “Across the fields the autumn wind brushes the fronds” (nobe no aki kaze sue wakete) is superb in construction. In the final line “whisper of showers” (murasame no koe) , though, “whisper” is an excessively direct personalisation, is it not? The spirit of the Left’s “on the silver grass” must win.”
Left.
古の人を聞くにも秋の夜の窓打つ雨はさびしかりけり
| inishie no hito o kiku ni mo aki no yo no mado utsu ame wa sabishikarikeri |
Long ago The ladies, I hear, On autumn nights With rain beating ‘gainst the window Were lonely, as am I… |
367
Right.
軒近き松の風だにある物を窓打ち添ふる秋の村雨
| noki chikaki matsu no kaze dani aru mono o mado uchisouru aki no murasame |
Close by my eaves, Waiting, with the wind through the pines, Striking, The window, beaten by Autumn showers. |
368
The Right complain, ‘In the Left’s poem, the poet seems to hear of the appearance of “long ago ladies”, but what is it that he hears – one would usually expect more, would one not?’ The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei broadly agrees: ‘The Left’s poem, in saying “ladies, I hear” would certainly seem to be recollecting the concubines at the court of Xuanzong, but I wonder if this is clearly enough expressed in the poem? The Right’s final section “The window, beaten by Autumn showers” (mado uchisouru aki no murasame) sounds particularly fine. Thus, the Right wins.’
Left.
行方無き秋の思ひぞせかれぬる村雨なびく雲の遠方
| yukue naki aki no omoi zo sekarenuru murasame nabiku kumo no ochikata |
My endless Thoughts of autumn Have been interrupted by The showers streaming from The far-off clouds. |
363
Right.
日に添へて秋の涼しさ集ふ也時雨はまだし夕暮の雨
| hi ni soete aki no suzushisa tsudounari shigure wa madashi yūgure no ame |
With the setting of the sun Comes the cool of Autumn; ‘Tis not yet shower season, Yet evening brings the rain… |
364
The Right complain that the Left’s ‘far-off clouds’ (kumo no ochikata) is ‘difficult to understand’. The Left initially query the meaning of madashi, and then say it’s ‘not a good expression’.
Shunzei states, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have stated that “far-off clouds” is difficult to grasp, and this is certainly the case. Moreover, it is difficult to determine the voice of the speaker here. Madashi is unproblematic. It’s usual sense in poetry is “not yet” – as can be seen from the Kokinshu’s “were I to hear words yet unspoken”. The final section of the Right’s poem is particularly charming. It must win.’