kimi ga yo wa nagai no ura no hamakaze ni tatsu shiranami no kazu mo shirarezu
My Lord’s reign: At Nagai Bay The beach breezes Rouse the whitecaps In number entirely unknown.
Controller’s Graduate 65
Right
きみがよをまつちのやまのこまつばらちよのけしきを見るぞうれしき
kimi ga yo o matsuchi no yama no komatsubara chiyo no keshiki o miru zo ureshiki
My Lord’s reign Awaiting upon Matsuchi Mountain The pine seedling groves The sight for a thousand ages Joyfully will see!
Kerin’in Graduate 66
It’s impossible to decide on a winner or loser between the Left and the Right here in terms of conception, diction and overall style. To put it in general terms, I must make this round a further tie.
Neither Left nor Right is remarkable, but nor do they have any faults to mention. I’d make this round a tie.
uchimurete iwane ni nezasu komatsuba no kigi no chitose wa kimi zo kazoemu
Crowding At the crags’ foot, roots stretching, The dwarf pines’ needles with The trees’ thousand years— My Lord may count them all!
Cell of the Fragrant Elephant 63
Right (Win)
たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや
tatoubeki mono koso nakere kimi ga yo wa hama no masago mo kazu nakarame ya
A suitable metaphor Is there none, at all! My Lord’s reign: Even the fair sands on the shore Would not exceed its number…
Cell of Everlasting Truth 64
Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.
I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.
kimi ga yo wa ama no iwato o izuru hi no iku meguri chō kazu mo shirarezu
My Lord’s reign: Since from the stone door in the heavens Emerged the sun, ‘How many circuits has she made?’, they ask— A number quite unknown.
Lord Saburō 59
Right
みかさやまふもとのさとはあめのしたふるにおもひもあらじとぞ思ふ
mikasayama fumoto no sato wa ame no shita furu ni omoi mo araji to zo omou
At Mikasa Moutain’s Foot, in a hamlet ‘neath the heavens Passing time—painful thoughts There I’d have not a one, I feel!
Ushigimi 60
The Left’s poem goes beyond the general flow of diction, containing mystery and depth. I have to say it is truly superior. While the Right’s poem has no faults to mention, it has yet to emerge from prosaic expression. Thus, the Left wins.
The ‘stone door in the heavens’ is that which the supreme sun-deity Amaterasu stood before and then entered. But when we’re talking about dawn breaking at the end of night, we say ‘gates of heaven’. Which of these two was did the poet have in mind, I wonder? If he was thinking of dawn breaking, then the usage is erroneous, but even if he did mean ‘stone door of the heavens’, then do we use this about the circuits of the sun? This is vague. In addition, the final ‘they ask’ is difficult to pronounce. As for the Right’s poem, ‘‘neath the heavens’ lacks emotion. The dual use of ‘thoughts’ and ‘feels’, as I have already remarked, is not an error, but does grate on the ears a bit.
aki no yo no ariake no tsuki wa kuma mo nashi asakurayama mo na nomi koso arame
At an autumn night’s Dawn, the moon Has not a cloud before it; The Mount of Morning Dark May be so in name alone!
Cell of Fragrant Cloud 39
Right (Win)
秋の月あかしのうらはなびきもにすむわれからのかずも見つべし
aki no tsuki akashi no ura wa nabikimo ni sumu warekara no kazu mo mitsubeshi
The autumn moon is Bright above Akashi Bay; Among the trailing seaweed Dwell tiny shrimp, Their number now clear to my eyes.
Cell of Compassionate Light 40
The poem of the Left is an entirely tedious composition. It simply states that a cloudless autumn moon does not fit with the place name, Mount Asakura. The moon at ‘dawn’ is the same as the moon at ‘dawntime’, while Mount Asakura is used when dawn has completely finished. As for the poem of the Right, while the moon is described as bright, it doesn’t seem right to then make it a poem about trailing seaweed—this does not seem charming at all. This round, too, there’s not much more I can say than that.
As I have already mentioned, ‘moon at dawn’ in the poem of the Left is an expression which it is impossible to say is praiseworthy. Even more so, really, the concluding ‘may be so in name alone’ just says ‘is so in name alone’, doesn’t it? It’s contrary to reason to say that it’s fluent and thus, and I say this reluctantly, it’s difficult to understand. As for the Right’s poem, I don’t understand this either: it ought to be ‘their numbers, too, I have been able to see’—saying ‘their number now clear to my eyes’ implies that you haven’t previously been able to see them up to that point, and it’s vague about when you have. Even so, it’s getting light, so the light of the moon at dawn seems superior.
kazu naranu mi koso omoeba ureshikere uki ni tsukete zo yo o mo itowamu
Not even numbered among folk Am I, thinking that Fills me with joy, but All the cruelties of this world Make me wish to leave it.
Asamune 141
Right
ながらへばかくてのみやははてむとてすぎにしかたはなぐさみもしき
nagaraeba kakute nomi ya wa hatemu tote suginishi kata wa nagusami mo shiki
Should I live on, then Being simply as I am Would I reach my end, I wonder? In days gone by I had some hope of consolation…
Kanetsuna 142
The sequencing of the Left’s ‘Am I, thinking that’ appears elegant. The Right, starting with ‘Would I reach my end, I wonder?’ sounds overly forceful, yet the conception of saying ‘in days gone by’ is still pleasant. Thus, once again, I make this a tie.
