uguisu no naku ki no moto ni furu yuki wa hakaze ni hana no chiru ka to zo miru
The warbler Sings from in a tree, its roots Covered by falling snow; Breeze stirred by its wingbeats, blossom Does seem to scatter.
Lord Kiyosuke 1
Right
うぐひすのなきて木づたふ梅がえにこぼるる露や涙なるらん
uguisu no nakite kozutau ume ga e ni koboruru tsuyu ya namida naruran
The warbler Crying flits from Branch to plum branch; Has the dripping dew His tears, perhaps, become?
Shun’e 2
Both Left and Right proceed smoothly, but what are we to make of the line ‘Crying flits’ in the Right’s poem? As this is also an expression which implies that dew is falling, these should tie.
aki no yo ni hito o mimaku no hoshikereba ama no kawara o tachi mo narasu ka
On an autumn night To see him is All my longing, so On the banks of Heaven’s river Should I be wont to stand?
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[1] A minor variant of this poem occurs in Mandaishū (1801) and Shokugoshūishū (688): 秋の夜に人をみまくのほしければ天の川原を立ちならすかな aki no yo ni / hito o mimaku no / hoshikereba / ama no kawara o / tachinarasu kana ‘On an autumn night / To see him is / All my longing, so / On the banks of Heaven’s river / Is where I ever stand!’ (Anonymous).
Poems composed on the ninth day of the Third Month, at the end of spring, when on the way to the village of Furue to oversee the distribution of seed rice to the poor, and observing blossom by the roadside. Poems composed at places of interest and put together.
A poem composed on seeing a tree upon the crags when passing the point at Shibutani. The tree was a tsumama.
礒の上のつままを見れば根を延へて年深からし神さびにけり
iso no upe no tumama wo mireba ne wo papete tosi pukakarasi kamu sabinikeri
When upon the stony shore A hardy evergreen I see, Roots extending The length of its years, How venerable it is!
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to indicate. The Left state: the Right’s poem is clichéd.
In judgement: the Right, in addition to being clichéd, can say no more than that love means wet sleeves. The Left’s ‘grasses’ roots’ (suga no ne) is certainly better.
The Right state: the Left’s poem lacks any faults. The Left state: the Right’s poem is pedestrian.
In judgement: the configuration of the Left’s ‘Blow across the bay!’ (ura ni fuke) and its links with the preceding and subsequent lines, sounds charming. The Right’s poem is stylistically elegant, but the poem more closely resembles a poem on the topic of ‘Love and Pine Trees’. Thus, the Left wins.