sumiyoshi no amakudarimasu matsu no ue ni sora yori kakuru tsuki no shirayū
At Sumiyoshi Did the Deity descend from Heaven To the pines—upon them From the skies are hung The moon’s sacred streamers.
Kamo no Agatanushi Masahira Kataoka Junior Assistant Priest[1] 25
Right (Win)
しめのうちにしらゆふかけぬひまぞなき月もたむけのこころありけり
shime no uchi ni shirayū kakenu hima zo naki tsuki mo tamuke no kokoro arikeri
Within the holy precints Sacred streamers fail to hang In not a single spot— The moon to make an offering Is of a mind.
Lord Fujiwara no Chikashige Junior Fifth Rank, Upper Grade, Without Office[2] 26
While the poem of the Left’s ‘From the skies are hung’ and so forth seems charming, I do wonder about the idea of the ‘Deity descending from Heaven / To the pines’—it’s vague. The poem of the Right’s conception and configuration of ‘The moon to make an offering’ appears pleasant, and thus it wins.
matsu mo mina shirayū kakete sumiyoshi no tsuki no hikari mo kamisabinikeri
The pine trees, every one, Are hung with sacred streamers— At Sumiyoshi Even the moon’s light Inspires awe.
Hyōenosuke, in service to the Junior Consort (formerly Handmaid Mikawa, in service at the Nijō Palace)[1] 19
Right
かたそぎのゆきあはぬまよりもる月をさえぬしもとやかみは見るらむ
katasogi no yuki awanu ma yori moru tsuki o saenu shimo to ya kami wa miruramu
The ridge poles Fail to entwine, and from the gaps Drips moonlight— As chill-less frost, I wonder, Does the Deity regard it?
Lord Fujiwara no Naganori Supernumerary Minor Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Left Division Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[2] 20
The Left’s poem appears to have a pleasant configuration with ‘Even the moon’s light / Inspires awe’. The poem of the Right, furthermore, has a charming-sounding sequence with ‘As chill-less frost, I wonder, / Does the Deity regard it?’ but in composition one usually states that the moon is fair precisely because of its chill. Thus, when one compares it to true frost, can one say that it lacks it? While I do feel that this is somewhat vague, both the poems appear to pleasant configurations, so I make this a tie.
[1]Nȳogo no ie Hyōenosuke moto nijōin Mikawa no maishi女御家兵衛佐元二条院参河内侍