saoshika no fushido o asami fuku kaze ni yowa ni naku ne zo fukaku nariyuku
The stag’s Resting place disturbed by The gusting wind At midnight his belling cry Comes from deeper in the mountains.
Chikanari 77
Right
さらでだにね覚かなしき秋風に夜しもなどか鹿の鳴くらん
sarade dani nezame kanashiki akikaze ni yoru shimo nado ka shika no nakuran
Even were it not so, To waken is so sad With the cruel autumn wind; Why is it that above all at night The stag should cry so?
Ie’kiyo 78
The Left poem’s ‘at midnight his belling cry comes from deeper’ does not sound especially elegant. The Right poem composes ‘why is it that above all at night the stag should cry so’, sounding like it is only at night that stags bell, but stags do this all the time in autumn. The Ancient and Modern also has the composition, ‘Mud-daubers buzzing / In the autumn bush clover; / Leaving with morning’.[1] The poems of Left and Right have no merits or faults between them—they should tie.
[1] This is a quotation from: Topic unknown. すがるなく秋のはぎはらあさたちて旅行く人をいつとかまたむ sugaru naku / aki no hagiwara / asa tachite / tabi yuku hito o / itsu to ka matan ‘Mud-daubers buzzing / In the autumn bush clover; / Leaving with morning, / Away on a journey: for him, / How long must I wait?’ Anonymous (KKS VIII: 366)
mononofu mo aware to omoe azusayumi hikino no yowa no saoshika no koe
Let even a warrior Feel pity! A catalpa bow drawn On Hiki Plain at a midnight Stag’s call.
The Former Minister of the Centre 67
Right (Win)
つれもなきつまをやたのむ秋風の身にさむき夜は鹿も鳴くなり
tsure mo naki tsuma o ya tanomu akikaze no mi ni samuki yo wa shika mo nakunari
Is it his heartless Bride he seeks? The autumn wind Chills the bones at night As the stag, too, does cry.[1]
Kozaishō 68
The Left’s poem seems to have no faults worth mentioning, but the Right’s poem is composed with the poem ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night’ in mind and seems particularly pleasant, so it wins.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. 秋風の身にさむければつれもなき人をぞたのむくるる夜ごとに aki kaze no / mi ni samukereba / tsuremonaki / hito o zo tanomu / kururu yo goto ni ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night.’ Dharma Master Sosei (KKS XII: 555)
yomosugara tsuma kouru ma ni saoshika no me sae awade ya naki’akasuran
All night long, Yearning for his mate, Does the stag Fail to close his eyes, Belling until the dawn?
Mikawa 43
Right
独のみみねのをしかのなくこゑにあはれ吹きそふ風の音かな
hitori nomi mine no oshika no naku koe ni aware fukisou kaze no oto kana
A single, solitary, Stag from the peak Belling out Laces sadness into the gusting Sound of the wind!
Kojijū 44
The Left’s ‘fail to close his eyes’ is a commonly utilised viewpoint, while the Right’s ‘lacing sadness into the gusts’ is unsatisfactory—simply ‘laced’ would be preferable. Nevertheless, neither of these are particularly significant faults, so these should tie.
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubite ya tsuma koikanete shika no fusuran
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow Has he woven—is that why Unable to love his mate The stag seems to lie?
Koreyuki 41
Right
妻こふる秋にしなればさをしかの床の山とてうちもふされじ
tsuma kouru aki ni shi nareba saoshika no toko no yama tote uchi mo fusareji
He yearns for his mate In autumn, above all, so In the stag’s Bed among the mountains He cannot lay him down, it seems.
Arifusa 42
The Left isn’t bad, but isn’t there Controller Kore’ie’s poem:
秋萩を草の枕にむすぶ夜はちかくもしかのこゑをきくかな
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubu yo wa chikaku mo shika no koe o kiku kana
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow I weave tonight— Close by, truly, a stag’s Bell I hear! [1]
While there is this earlier example, neither core nor the conceptions of these poems are the same, and as the Right’s poem is not all that good, after careful consideration I make this a tie.
[1] On hearing a stag at his lodgings. KYS (3) III: 224
saoshika no naku ne wa yoso ni kikitsuredo namida wa sode no mono ni zo arikeru
The stag’s Sad bell in the distance Did I hear, yet still My tears my sleeves Have covered.
Sadanaga 31
Right (Win)
山たかみおろすあらしやよわるらんかすかに成りぬさをしかの声
yama takami orosu arashi ya yowaruran kasuka ni narinu saoshika no koe
From the mountain’s heights Descending, has the storm wind Weakened? Faintly comes The stag’s bell.
Lord Suetsune 32
I do wonder about the Left, given that there appears to be a poem by the late Lord Toshiyori:
さをしかのなくねは野べにきこゆれどなみだは床の物にぞ有りける
saoshika no naku ne wa nobe ni kikoyuredo namida wa toko no mono ni zo arikeru[1]
The stag’s Sad bell upon the plain I heard, yet My tears my bed Have covered.
I am a little leery of the Right’s central line, but overall it is not the case that this poem lacks conception, so it should win.
[1] KYS (3) III: 225 Composed on ‘listening to stags in a hut in the fields’. Also SZS V: 310 ‘Composed when he heard a stag belling while at a mountain retreat in Tanakami’. Also Sanboku kikashū 451 ‘Listening to stags in a hut in the fields’.
