Left (Win)
さざ浪や志賀津の海士になりにけりみるめはなくて袖のしほるる
| sazanami ya shigatsu no ama ni narinikeri mirume wa nakute sode no shioruru | Rocked by wavelets A fisherman at Shiga Bay Have I become! Glimpsing no seaweed, How my sleeves are soaked… |
Lord Suetsune
1171
Right
伊勢の海の底までかづく海人なれやみるめに人を思ふ心は
| ise no umi no soko made kazuku ama nare ya mirume ni hito o omou kokoro wa | At Ise, to the sea Bed dive Fisher-girls: Am I one, too? A seaweed-tangled glimpse of you Lodging in my heart… |
Jakuren
1172
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to mention. The Left state: neither beginning nor end is sufficiently forcefully expressed.
In judgement: the conception and configuration of the Left’s ‘fisherman at Shiga Bay’ (shigatsu no ama) certainly seem splendid. That is really all there is to say about this poem. To make a deliberate point of seeking out elements which sound difficult is a pointless activity for the Way of Poetry and an individual poet. As for the Right’s poem, diving ‘to the sea bed’ (soko made) is just something that fisher-girls do. The Left must win.