山家にはならのから葉の散敷きてしぐれの音もはげしかりけり
| yamaga ni wa nara no karaba no chirishikite shigure no oto mo hageshikarikeri | In a mountain hut The withered oak leaves Scattering around and The shower’s sound is Severe, indeed! |
Tamemitsu
Toshiyori’s judgement:
The poem on a mountain hut uses ‘withered oak leaves’ which sounds particularly poor; if one wants to refer to withered leaves then I would conclude the poem with this and not continue. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the shower’s sound is severe’ – it gives the impression of standing on the peak of Mount Arachi and looking down upon the valley below.
The Beginning of Autumn
Left (Win—in a certain book Tie)
しぐれにもあめにもあらぬはつぎりのたつにもそらはさしくもりけり
| shigure ni mo ame ni mo aranu hatsugiri no tatsu ni mo sora wa sashikumorikeri | Neither a shower Nor rain, The first mists Simply rise into the skies And cover all with cloud. |
11
Right
としごとにあふとはすれどたなばたのぬるよのかずぞすくなかりける
| toshi goto ni au to suredo tanabata no nuru yo no kazu zo sukunakarikeru | Every year She meets him, yet The Weaver Maid’s Nights of passion Are few indeed. |
Mitsune
12
Round Five
Left (Win)
なつの夜のふすかとすればほととぎす鳴く一声に明くるしののめ
| natsu no yo no fusu ka to sureba hototogisu naku hitogoe ni akuru shinonome | On summer nights, I’m wondering whether to go to bed, when A cuckoo’s Single call Brightens the dawn. |
Ki no Tsurayuki
9
Right
郭公をちかへりなけうなゐこがうちたれがみの五月雨の空
| hototogisu ochikaerinake unaiko ga uchitaregami no samidare no sora | A cuckoo Calls again and again; A child’s shoulder-brushing Hair dangling down: A summer shower fills the skies. |
Ōshikōchi no Mitsune 10[1]
[1] Shūishū II: 116: For a poetry contest at Sadafun’s house.
Left.
人目こそ離れも果てなめ山里に日影も見えず霙降るころ
| hitome koso kare mo hatename yamazato ni hikage mo miezu mizore furu koro |
The bustle of folk Seems so far away, In a mountain home Where no sunlight but Sleet does fall… |
521
Right (Win).
かき曇りみぞるゝ空や冴えそめて氷も果てぬ時雨なるらん
| kakikumori mizoruru sora ya saesomete kōri mo hatenu shigure naruran |
Gathering clouds, Sleeting, fill the sky; The first chill of Endless ice In the coming shower… |
522
The Right state that they are unable to understand the point of ‘Sleet does fall’ (mizore furu koro). The Left state that ‘sleeting’ (mizoruru) is grating on the ear [kikinikushi]. In addition, the initial 5-7-5 structure is inconsistent [kiregire nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: In the Left’s poem what is the problem with understanding ‘sleet does fall’? However, what I would want it to say next is that the sunlight always falls. In the Right’s poem, one could have said ‘sleeted sky’ (mizoreshi sora), but ‘sleeting sky’ is also unproblematic [nan ni oyobubekarazu]. ‘Endless ice in the coming shower’ (kōri mo hatenu shigure naruran) is an unusual conception [kokoro mezurashiku], and ‘the first chill’ (saesomete) is also well positioned. The Right is slightly better and should win.
Composed on ‘long hidden love’ at the Poetry Office Poetry Competition.
いその神ふるの神すぎふりぬれどいろにはいでずつゆも時雨も
| isonokami furu no kami sugi furinuredo iro ni wa idezu tsuyu mo shigure mo |
In Isonokami At Furu, the ancient, sacred cedar trees Are old, yet Their colours never change With dew or shower fall… |
The Regent and Grand Minister [Fujiwara no Yoshitsune]
藤原良経