ほととぎすまつよながらのさみだれにしげきあやめのねにぞ鳴きぬる
| hototogisu matsu yo nagara no samidare ni shigeki ayame no ne ni zo nakunaru | While the cuckoo I await one night In a summer shower, Lush as sweet-flag Roots grow my sobbing cries! |
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Tag Archives: shower
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 12
Round Twelve
Left (T – Win)
柞原紅ふかく染めてけり時雨の雨はいろなけれども
| hahasowara kurenai fukaku sometekeri shigure no ame wa iro nakeredomo | The oak groves Deeply scarlet Have been dyed, Though the rain shower Lacks any hue at all… |
Lord Shigemoto
23
Right (M – Win)
山里はならのから葉の散敷きてしぐれの音もはげしかりけり
| yamazato wa nara no karaba no chirishikite shigure no oto mo hageshikarikeri | My mountain retreat has The oaks’ withered leaves Scattered and spread around, so The sound of showers is all The more severe. |
Lord Tamezane
24
Toshiyori states: the ‘oak grove’ poem, saying that plants fade and autumn leaves are dyed by things like dew and frost is as unremarkable as saying that one’s sweetheart’s skirt trails down. The ‘mountain retreat’ poem has ‘the oaks’ withered leaves’ and this is problematic. It would certainly have been better to avoid using ‘withered leaves’. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the sound of showers is severe’? I feel it would be better to use this when looking down on the stony valley gate from the high peak of Mount Arachi. The first poem is slightly superior.
Mototoshi states; the poems of Left and Right are about the same quality, but the Left’s poem lacks a conception of showers and is entirely a poem on scarlet leaves, so in the current context ‘oaks’ withered leaves’ is slightly superior.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 11
Round Eleven
Left
さごろもの袂はせばしかづけども時雨の雨は心してふれ
| sagoromo no tamoto wa sebashi kazukedomo shigure no ame wa kokoroshite fure | My night robe’s Sleeves are narrow: I cover myself, yet, O rain shower, Fall with care! |
Lord Toshitaka
21
Right (Both Judges – Win)
はつ時雨音信しより水ぐきの岡の梢の色をしぞ思ふ
| hatsushigure otozureshi yori mizuguki no oka no kozue no iro o shi zo omou | Since the first shower Came to call, Mizuguki Hill’s treetops’ Hues fill my thoughts… |
Lord Tokimasa
22
Toshiyori states: the poem on night robes has ‘Fall with care!’ – is this expressing regret over getting wet? In addition, there’s ‘I cover myself, yet’: it would have been preferable to have this element first. The poem on the ‘first shower’ is not that remarkable, yet it does sound smooth. ‘Hues fill my thoughts’ feels conspicuously old-fashioned, and yet composing using ‘Mizuguki’ seem superior.
Mototoshi states: what on earth is the poet doing saying his ‘night robe’ is ‘narrow’? In the Code of the Shijō Major Counsellor this is indicted to be a bad thing—‘a shallow poem with weighty words’! The poem of the Right has ‘Since the first shower / Came to call’ and I feel that this is how a poem on showers ought to be. Saying ‘Hill’s treetops’ / Hues fill my thoughts’ is a bit trite, but still charming, so this is superior, isn’t it.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 10
Round Ten
Left (T – Tie)
波よする蜑の苫やのひまをあらみもるにてぞしるよはのしぐれは
| nami yosuru ama no tomaya no hima o arami moru nite zo shiru yowa no shigure wa | Waves break near A sedge-thatched hut’s Crude gaps The leaks reveal A midnight shower… |
Lord Tadafusa
19
Right (M – Win)
ゆふ月よいるさの山の高根よりはるかにめぐる初しぐれかな
| yūzukuyo irusa no yama no takane yori haruka ni meguru hatsushigure kana | On a moonlit night From Irusa Mountain’s High peak In the distance circles A first shower! |
Lord Kanemasa
20
Toshiyori states: in the first poem, the shower sounds chilly! A shower is not something that one hears after getting up at dawn, yet this poem says that one first gets to know about it from the leaks, it seems that the poet has gone to bed, been leaked on, had his garments soaked and then got up and made a fuss. If he has not been leaked upon is this something he heard from someone else the following day? It really is very unclear. There’s a poem ‘Together with me / On my mountain pilgrimage’ which refers to showers falling on this mountain. The poem here refers to the same peak, so it sounds as if it’s referring to monks going around. Is that what it’s about? I am not just finding fault for the sake of it—these poems are unclear. As there’s only so much that can be understood from hearing them, they should tie.
Mototoshi states: one can compose about a shower falling anywhere and there’s no need to bring up a fisherman’s sedge-thatch hut, is there! Furthermore, one gets to know about a shower from the sound of it falling constantly on something like a roof of cedar boards, surely? Would one really be startled by rain of varying intensity falling soundlessly in spring? As for the poem of the Right, while it does not display a playfulness which would please the eye, ‘In the distance circles / A first shower’ is a bit better in the current context.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 09
Round Nine
Left (T – Tie; M – Win)
神無月旅行く人もいづくにかたちかくるべき時雨もる山
| kaminazuki tabi yuku hito mo izuku ni ka tachikakurubeki shigure moru yama | In the Godless Month For folk gone travelling Is there anywhere To hide themselves away, As the showers drip down on Mount Moru? |
Lady Shinano
17
Right
くらぶ山いかがこゆべき神無月木の葉とともにしぐれ降るなり
| kurabuyama ikaga koyubeki kaminazuki ko no ha to tomo ni shigure furu nari | Over gloomy Mount Kurabu How can I find my way across? In the Godless Month Together with the leaves from the trees A shower is falling… |
Lord Nobutada
18
Toshiyori states: in the first poem, I do not feel that travelling is a natural continuation from ‘Godless Month’. ‘Is there anywhere’, too, does not sound smooth, does it. As for the second poem, if one mentions ‘gloomy Mount Kurabu’ and then follows it with ‘How can I find my way across?’, one should give a reason for the expression, whether it be because it’s gloomy, or because the sun is going down, otherwise it’s also unclear why one should be having difficulties crossing the mountain. If one is grieved by the falling leaves, then the poem sounds more like an ‘Scarlet Leaves’ one, and this is unreasonable. These both look to be about the same.
Mototoshi states: ‘showers drip down on Mount Moru’ is a bit better than ‘gloomy Mount Kurabu’, isn’t it. I feel it’s only logical that there should be no shadows in which one could hide oneself away.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 07
Round Seven
Left (Both Judges – Win)
音にさへ袂をぬらす時雨かな槙の板屋のよはの寝覚に
| oto ni sae tamoto o nurasu shigure kana maki no itaya ni yowa no nezame ni | Even the sound Does soak my sleeves with A shower Striking my roof of cedar boards, Awaking at midnight… |
Lord Sadanobu
13
Right
しぐれとて柞の杜にたちよれば木のはとともに降りかかるかな
| shigure tote hahaso no mori ni tachiyoreba ko no ha to tomo ni furikakaru kana | When with a shower’s fall Within the oak forest I head to stand Together with the leaves, It strikes me as it falls! |
Lord Munekuni
14
Toshiyori states: the first poem’s composition on one’s sleeves getting soaked on hearing a sound is extremely charming. It sounds like that’s really how it is. The latter poem, too, is smooth, and the final line appears to have had some thought put into it, so I dread having to say that the first poem wins.
Mototoshi states: ‘a shower at midnight upon a roof of cedar boards’ is a particularly superlative image, and that this would drench one’s sleeves is also extremely charming. While ‘the oak forest’ does not appear bad, it’s not that remarkable, and ‘waking at midnight’ is something that certainly occurs, I feel.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 06
Round Six
Left (M – Tie)
さもこそは槙のまやぶき薄からめもるばかりにもうつ時雨かな
| samo koso wa maki no mayabuki usukarame moru bakari ni mo utsu shigure kana | Truly, A roof of cedar boughs Seems scanty, for It simply leaks when Struck by a shower! |
Lord Morotoshi
11
Right (T – Win)
木の葉のみ染むるかとこそおもひしに時雨は人のみにしみにけり
| ko no ha nomi somuru ka to koso omoishi ni shigure wa hito no mi ni shiminikeri | ‘Is it the leaves upon the trees alone It dyes?’ I wondered once, but A shower on folk’s Flesh does leave a mark… |
Lord Masamitsu
12
Toshiyori states: the first poem deliberately starts with ‘A roof of cedar boughs’ and then concludes with ‘Struck by a shower’ which is vague. It does sound like the poet might have had ‘the lonely sighing sound of rain beating against my window’ in mind when composing. In any case, this is something which would have been better avoided. If he wished to compose on this sort of thing, and had done so without this element, then the poem would not be unpleasant. As for the Right, well, this does sound somewhat scanty! Still, what kind of colour might the poet’s flesh be marked? If it was the colour of the leaves, then this would be pretentious, wouldn’t it. If he wanted to refer to the hue of the wind in the pines, then why didn’t he say so? As a composition about a shower, though, this sounds slightly better.
Mototoshi states: having such a thin roof of cedar boughs struck by a passing shower feels frightening for the people under it. At the beginning of the world, rain as thick as axles fell, I hear—what a terrifying shower that must have been! The expression ‘rain beating against my window’ occurs in a poem from Cathay, referring, it seems, to rain blown by the wind horizontally striking one’s fence. Thus, it does sound extremely moving to compose about rains striking one’s window and keeping one awake, but, then again, while it’s certainly true that showers dye the treetops on the mountains in all directions, what sort of mark would they leave on a person’s flesh? It sounds like the old tale of the well-warden’s sign, doesn’t it! This round, both poems are about the same.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 05
Round Five
Left (T – Tie)
時雨には菅の小笠も水もりて遠の旅人ぬれやしぬらん
| shigure ni wa suga no ogasa mo mizu morite ochi no tabibito nure ya shinuran | In such a shower A little hat of woven sedge, too, Drips with water; A distant traveller Is drenched, no doubt… |
Lady Kazusa
9
Right (M – Win)
霜さえて枯行くをのの岡べなるならの朽葉にしぐれ降るなり
| shimo saete kareyuku ono no okabe naru nara no kuchiba ni shigure furu nari | Chill the frost upon The sere meadows on The hillside where Upon the withered oak leaves A shower is falling. |
Lord Mototoshi
10
Toshiyori states: In the first poem, ‘drips with water’ is vague. In the second poem, ‘hillside where’ lacks smoothness. What are we to make of ‘withered oak leaves’? If leaves have withered away, then they wouldn’t make any sound, would they. Is this even possible?
Mototoshi states: the diction of ‘In such a shower / A little umbrella of woven sedge, too, / Drips with water’ is something which lacks any prior precedent. ‘Dripping with water’ give the impression of a painted pot with a crack in it, so what kind of shower can this be? It would be more normal to refer to having to shelter beneath one’s sleeves. While it is lacking in any superlative features, I feel that the sound of a shower on withered oak leaves is somewhat more commonplace.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 04
Round Four
Left (M – Win)
水鳥の青葉の山やいかならん梢をそむる今朝のしぐれに
| mizutori no aoba no yama ya ika naran kozue o somuru kesa no shigure ni | Waterfowl fly above Aoba Mountain— O, what is to become Of the treetops dyed By this morning’s shower? |
Lord Akinaka
7
Right (T – Win)
かきくもり蜑の小ぶねにふく苫の下とほるまで時雨れしにけり
| kakikumori ama no obune ni fuku toma no shita tōru made shigureshinikeri | Clouds rake in above The fisher’s tiny boat— Through its rush-woven roof And even beneath A shower has fallen. |
Lord Michitsune
8
Toshiyori states: Continuing on from ‘Waterfowl fly above / Aoba Mountain’ with ‘the treetops dyed’ is simple and straightforward. The latter poem’s emphasis on the fisher’s tiny boat is an unexpected expression, yet because it is not a fault, I make this poem the winner.
Mototoshi states: saying ‘Waterfowl fly above / Aoba Mountain’ is extremely hackneyed, yet the poem of the Right has ‘Clouds rake in above / The fisher’s tiny boat— / Through its rush-woven roof’: both spring showers and summer ones, too, are not things which fall constantly, so it is difficult to believe that they could fall ‘even beneath’. So, I have to determine that a shower dyeing the treetops is a little better.
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 02
Round Two
Left (T – Tie; M – Win)
あやしくも時雨にかへる袂かなゐなの笠はらさして行けども
| ayashiku mo shigure ni kaeru tamoto kana ina no kasawara sashite yukedomo | How strange that From the shower I shelter Beneath my sleeves! Though into the umbrella of the dwarf-bamboo groves of Ina Is where I’m heading… |
A Court Lady
3
Right
ぬるれども嬉しくもあるか紅葉ばの色増す雨の雫とおもへば
| nuredomo ureshiku mo aru ka momijiba no iro masu ame no shizuku to omoeba | Soaked, yet Happy am I! For the scarlet leaves Take on brighter hues with these rain Drops, I feel… |
Lord Akikuni
4
Toshiyori states: The first poem’s section on ‘the umbrella of the dwarf-bamboo groves of Ina’ is well expressed, but then is ‘shower I shelter’ referring to clothing? The second poem can be read as meaning that the speaker is happily being soaked by raindrops standing beneath scarlet leaves on one particular day, but getting drenched by any old shower, even if it’s one which stains leaves scarlet is not something that would make one happy and, sounds tedious. Both poems sound vague, so they should tie.
Mototoshi states: ‘the shower I shelter / Beneath my sleeves’ is better than ‘Happy am I!’
