itodoshiku teri koso masare momijiba ni hikage utsurou ama no kagoyama
All the more Brightly do shine The scarlet leaves Reflecting the sunshine On heavenly Mount Kago!
Minor Captain Lord Kin’nori, Fourth Rank 7
Right
天の原時雨にくもるけふしもぞ紅葉の色はてりまさりける
ama no hara shigure ni kumoru kyō shimo zo momiji no iro wa terimasarikeru
The plain of heaven is Clouded with showers, but Today for certain The hues of the scarlet leaves Shine most bright.
The Daughter of His Excellency, the Head 8
Considering the Left’s ‘Reflecting the sunshine / On heavenly Mount Kago’ about scarlet leaves reflecting the sun’s light, gives me the feeling that this must be a mistaken reference to the garlands of scarlet clubmoss worn by minor officiants at the Great Thanksgiving Service. In addition, among all of the many mountains in various places whose leaves turn scarlet, it seems something of a stretch to go so far as to mention Heavenly Mount Kago, considering it is an archaic expression found in the Collection of a Myriad Leaves, among other places. The Right’s ‘Clouded with showers, but / Today for certain’ is an expression perfectly in tune with the topic, making one wonder whether the leaves’ hue is the result of single drenching which has dyed them superbly.
kaminazuki mimuro no yama no momijaba mo iro ni idenubeku furu shigure kana
In the Godless Month On Mount Mimuro The autumn leaves Show no hues at all, despite The falling showers!
Lord Morikata 15
Right
かみな月時雨れてわたるたびごとに生田の杜をおもひこそやれ
kaminazuki shigurete wataru tabi goto ni ikuta no mori o omoi koso yare
In the Godless Month Showers pass by and Every time The sacred grove at Ikuta I do recall.
Lord Tadataka 16
Toshiyori states: ‘Godless Month’ is the name given to a specific month of the year. It’s somewhat unclear why one would use ‘Godless Month’ in conjunction with ‘Mount Mimuro’ – is there a prior poem to evidence this? It’s quite normal for lines which would normally have five syllables to be written with six, or those with seven to have eight, and this can sound fine in some cases. Here, though, it does sound obviously excessive and I do wonder about that. The second poem is plainly based on an earlier work, and is not at all clear, but as it has precedent, these two are about the same.
Mototoshi states: neither of these poems appears bad, so I say they tie.
shigure ni wa iro naranu mi no sodegasa mo nurureba kaoru mono ni zo arikeru
When, amidst a shower My colourless Umbrella of sleeves Is soaked, something scented Does it become!
Lady Shōshō 5
Right (M – Win)
冬くれば散りしく庭のならの葉に時雨音なふみ山べのさと
fuyu kureba chirishiku niwa no nara no ha ni shigure oto nau miyamabe no sato
When the winter comes Scattered and spread across the grounds Are oak leaves, Sounding among the showers On this deep mountain estate…
Lord Masakane 6
Toshiyori states: the first poem has ‘my colourless’—does this mean that the garment the poet is wearing is white? Or that the speaker is lacking in passion? If the garment is white, then it’s difficult to say that it changes colours, while if one is lacking in passion, it’s also difficult to see the connection with an umbrella of sleeves being scented. In general, though, the poem’s style is lacking in fault. The second poem appears to have replicated all the faults of an earlier work. While one can certainly say ‘Oak leaves / Scattered and spread’, saying ‘Scattered and spread / Oak leaves’ gives one the feeling that something is out of sequence. This is a bit unreasonable, but because it’s difficult to avoid the faults of its earlier model, I still feel it should lose.
Mototoshi states: one really wants to know what sort of lack there is. The poem says ‘soaked, something scented’, but doesn’t reference an earlier work which, for example, mentions plum blossom. Still, I feel that ‘Sounding among the showers / On this deep mountain’ is conspicuously good.
