Composed when at the edge of dawn haze swept across the eightfold tideways and they seemed as one with the sky.
| sora ya umi umi ya sora to mo miewakanu kasumi mo nami mo tachimichinitsutsu | Sky or sea, Sea or sky, I cannot tell apart— The haze and the waves, both Ever rise together… |
592
Round Five
Left
あきのよのふけゆくかぜにくもはれてはなだのそらにすめるつきかげ
| aki no yo no fukeyuku kaze ni kumo harete hanada no sora ni sumeru tsukikage | As the autumn night Wears on, the wind Clears away the cloud, and From the pale indigo sky Comes clear moonlight. |
Controller’s Graduate
37
Right
ふるさとのときぞともなきさびしさもなぐさむばかりすめる月かな
| furusato no toki zo tomonaki sabishisa mo nagusamu bakari sumeru tsuki kana | In the ancient capital Timeless is The lonely sadness Consoled only By the clear, bright moon! |
Kerin’in Graduate
38
The Left’s poem is a transparent copy of an older work. That poem is:
天の原四方のむら雲吹きはらひみどりの空にすめる月影
| ama no hara yomo no muragumo fukiharai midori no sora ni sumeru tsukikage | Across the plain of Heaven All the crowding clouds Are blown away, and From the sky so green Comes clear moonlight.[i] |
I don’t feel this is in any way different. As for the Right’s poem, while it is not the case that it is entirely without conception, it lacks any exemplary elements, so I don’t see how I can possibly recommend either of these.
The Left’s poem isn’t bad, but it should be revised to use ‘sky so green’, because using ‘pale indigo sky’ is vague. To decide in favour of it I would need there to be a prior poem as precedent. The Right’s poem is not particularly exemplary, but it does sound as if there are times like that. In the absence of a precedent for the Left, the poem of the Right wins.
[i] The source of this poem is unknown.
Round Two
Left (Win)
秋のよの月のひかりはかはらねどたびのそらこそあはれなりけれ
| aki no yo no tsuki no hikari wa kawaranedo tabi no sora koso aware narikeri | On an autumn night The moon’s light Is unchanged, yet The sky above me on my travels Is so very sad, indeed. |
Lord Saburō
31
Right
あきの夜はたのむる人もなきやどもありあけの月はなほぞまちいづる
| aki no yo wa tanomuru hito mo naki yado mo ariake no tsuki wa nao zo machi’izuru | On an autumn night With no man even expected At my house, It is the dawntime moon’s Appearance that, indeed, I have awaited. |
Ushigimi
32
The poem of the Left seems extremely well-trodden. It resembles a something sung as a popular song. As for the poem of the Right, ‘not…at my house’ is extraordinarily stilted, yet the poems are of the same quality, so I would say these tie.
The poem of the Left’s final ‘Is so very sad, indeed’ sounds pitiful and truly unskilled. The poem of the Right overemphasises ‘even’, and also appears to say that the dawntime moon is an element conveying a moving desolation. I wonder if this is appropriate for the topic of the ‘the moon’ in a poetry match? There needs to be a prior poem as precedent. It does say that the moon’s emergence after having waited for it is something precious, but the poem refers to the moon in the latter part of the month, after the twentieth day, doesn’t it? This would seem to be moving, for sure, but it’s something which doesn’t shed much light, so I would say that the Left wins.
The Middle of Autumn
Left
大空の道みえぬまでふる霧は秋のなかばにとめむとかもし
| ōzora no michi mienu made furu kiri wa aki no nakaba ni tomemu to kamo shi | Until all the endless sky Ways unseen are Descend the mists In the heart of autumn— Will they stay a while, I wonder? |
15
Right
女郎花おほくの秋にあふものをからくもあだにおもひけるかな
| ominaeshi ōku no aki ni au mono o karaku mo ada ni omoikeru kana | Maidenflowers Many in autumn Does one meet, but Bitterly, faithless Do I feel they are! |
16
Round Nine
Left (Win)
うらさむくしぐるるよはのたびごろもきしのはにふにいたくにほひぬ
| ura samuku shigururu yowa no tabigoromo kishi no hanyū ni itaku nioinu | The bay is cold with Midnight showers, as My traveller’s robe With the shore’s ochre clay Is deeply stained. |
Taifu
67
Right
おもへただみやこのうちのねざめだにしぐるるそらはあはれならずや
| omoe tada miyako no uchi no nezame dani shigururu sora wa aware narazu ya | Simply think of me, when Within the capital You start from sleep— A showery sky is Sad, isn’t it? |
Sadanaga
68
While configuration of the Left’s poem, saying ‘With the shore’s ochre clay / Is deeply stained’ feels crude, it does appear to be in the style of the Myriad Leaves. As for the Right’s poem, its conception is good, but starting, ‘Simply think of me’ begs the question of who this is said to. Such diction is used in poetry exchanges or love poems, in particular. The Left’s poem is most likely superior.
