ふじのねのけぶりも空にたつものをなどかおもひの下にもゆらん
| fuji no ne no keburi mo sora ni tatsu mono o nado ka omoi no shita ni moyuran | Above the peak of Fuji Smoke into the sky Does rise, so Why does my passion’s fire Simply smoulder beneath? |
468
Tag Archives: sky
Kinkai wakashū 378
Kinkai wakashū 366
Kinkai wakashū 344
Kinkai wakashū 333
Sumiyoshi-sha uta’awase kaō ni-nen 34
Round Nine
Left (Win)
うらさむくしぐるるよはのたびごろもきしのはにふにいたくにほひぬ
| ura samuku shigururu yowa no tabigoromo kishi no hanyū ni itaku nioinu | The bay is cold with Midnight showers, as My traveller’s robe With the shore’s ochre clay Is deeply stained. |
Taifu
67
Right
おもへただみやこのうちのねざめだにしぐるるそらはあはれならずや
| omoe tada miyako no uchi no nezame dani shigururu sora wa aware narazu ya | Simply think of me, when Within the capital You start from sleep— A showery sky is Sad, isn’t it? |
Sadanaga
68
While configuration of the Left’s poem, saying ‘With the shore’s ochre clay / Is deeply stained’ feels crude, it does appear to be in the style of the Myriad Leaves. As for the Right’s poem, its conception is good, but starting, ‘Simply think of me’ begs the question of who this is said to. Such diction is used in poetry exchanges or love poems, in particular. The Left’s poem is most likely superior.
Daikōtaigōgū no suke taira no tsunemori-ason ke uta’awase 42
Round Six
Left (Win)
山姫はもみぢのにしきおりてけりたちなやつしそ嶺の朝霧
| yamahime wa momiji no nishiki oritekeri tachi na yatsushi so mine no asagiri | The mountain’s princess, Of scarlet leaves brocade Has woven; In your rising don’t despoil it, O, morning mists upon the peak! |
Lord Kinshige
83
Right
しぐれには紅葉の色ぞまさりける又かきくもる空はいとはじ
| shigure ni wa momiji no iro zo masarikeri mata kakikumoru sora wa itowaji | A shower makes The scarlet leaves’ hues Most fine; So, the swiftly clouding Sky I could not dislike. |
Lord Masahira
84
The Right sounds as if the poet has just come to the revelation that, even though a showery sky is charming, can one possibly dislike it, given that it improves the hues of the scarlet leaves. The Left isn’t bad, but it does have two identical sounds ending lines, and this has been called the same-sounding rhyme fault, I believe. With that being said, in the Tentoku Poetry Match, there were some poems with this feature which were criticized, and some which were not, so I wonder if this is not something to particularly worry about. In this poem it doesn’t sound like a defect and, taking this together with the fact that the Right’s poem is poor, the Left should win.
