The Gentlemen of the Right state: there is nothing worth mentioning in the Left’s poem. The Gentlemen of the Left state: using ne (‘braying’) and oto (‘sound’) in the same poem is a fault [yamai].
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are tasteful in form [utazama wa yū] , but the Right’s does contain a fault, as the Left have stated. Thus, the Left should win.
The Right say the Left’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikarazu]. The Left say the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘unending is the breakfasts’ smoke – and even that’ (taenu asake no kemuri sae) is lacking in poetic qualities [utashina no naku wa haberedo], the gentlemen of the Right have judged it not to be bad. As for the Right, if a storm blows through a garden, even if there is no snow, surely there would be some trace of it, wouldn’t there? The Left should win.
Neither team finds any fault with the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Sleet, today, falling as on the ancient estate’ (kyō mo mizore no furu sato wa), preceding ‘on Yoshino mountain did snows fall once’, reflects the conception of ‘Where once I lived, to the mount of Yoshino was so close’ (Furusato Fa yosino no yama si tikakereba) and seems splendid [ito yoroshiku miehabere]. The Right’s ‘How lonely it is here within the mountains’ (sabishikarikeru yama no oku kana) as a final section is most acceptable in terms of style [mottomo shokisubeki no tei], but the initial ‘leaves mixed in’ (konoha kokimaze) sounds as if this had been done with some human hand. Thus, the Left with matched initial and final sections, must win.
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left state that they find the Right’s poem, ‘difficult to grasp’. In reply, the Right say, ‘It is conceived after a Chinese poem that “the wind in the pines is the sound of rain”.’
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem is excellent in both configuration and diction [sugata kotoba yoroshiku haberumere]. The Right’s ‘clouded only by a storm’ (arashi ni kumoru) sounds charming in conception [kokoro okashiku kikoyu] – even without drawing upon the Chinese model. In this round, too, there is no clear winner or loser and it must tie.
The Right state that the Left’s poem ‘seems superficially appealing, but actually has nothing remarkable about it.’ The Left question how the poet can ‘make his way through the dusk’ (kure o wakeyuku) and ‘shatter’ (kudakuru) the wind.
Shunzei’s judgment: The lower section of the Left’s poem is charming [okashiku koso haberu], but the initial section is frequently used, and old fashioned [tsune no furugoto nite]. The Right’s shattering of the wind in ‘the distant mountains’ dusk’ is a questionable expression [obotsukanaki yō], but the Left’s initial section really does sound as if it lacks any artistry [muisugite kikoyu]. The Right’s total effect is most fine [sugata yoroshiku miehaberi]. It should win.
Neither team has any criticisms to make of the other’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: The total effect of the Left’s ‘even the waves have coloured on Izumi River’ (nami sae iro in izumigawa) is most superior [sugata wa yū narubeshi]. However, there does not appear to be any element linked to the final section’s ‘wild winds’ (arashi) in the initial part of the poem. The Right has ‘have the lower leaves by grass touched dewfall been dyed?’ (shitaba wa kusa no tsuyu ya somuran), without, in the initial section having an expression like ‘treetops stained by showers’ (kozue wa shigure somu), and I wonder about having the lower leaves on the trees touched by ‘dewfall on the grass’ (kusa no tsuyu). The Left’s ‘have the wild winds blown’ should win.
The Right state that, ‘“Sing…to the skies” (sora o tsugu) goes against the spirit of the topic,’ while the Left wonder, ‘What we can make of “green maple leaves” (aoki momiji)?’
Shunzei states, ‘The Left’s “sing of coming autumn to the skies” (aki o chikashi to sora o tsugu nari) is superlative. The Right’s “green maple leaves” (aoki momiji) must mean that the poet, on seeing a tree which turns scarlet, rather than green, recollects the autumn colour. However, “the heat” and the diction in the concluding line are somewhat pedestrian and unpoetic. I must award the victory to the Left.’
The Right state merely that, ‘The Left’s poem has nothing to apologise for,’ while the Left comment, ‘stating that “dawn” (ake) returns to a mountain to the west is illogical. Moreover, in the three lines “The cormorant boats; To the Mount of Storms Does dawn return?” (ukaibune arashi no yama no akewataruran) the meanings of each line are different and fail to follow on one from the other.’
Shunzei is in general agreement: ‘The gentlemen of the Right have already allowed that the Left’s poem has nothing to apologise for. The have also stated that it is not the case that night lightens from the west, but it is certainly the case that it is possible to see the dawn light growing upon the western mountains. However, the cormorant boats’ practice is normally to run down the rapids, and saying “rapids running up” (ikuse noboreba) suggests that this is happening after they have gone down. Dawn is then exceptionally late. In any case, the Right’s poem has a number of doubtful sections, while the Left’s is without error, as has already been stated. It must win.’
The Right team remark about the Left’s poem that ‘beginning two lines with so (sode…sora) is grating’, while the Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei states, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have remarked upon the Left poem’s grating qualities. Nevertheless, does it not seem that this path across the Shiga Mountains is particularly intriguing? The Right’s poem mentions ‘blossom from the treetops/footprints mark’ (hana no kozue ni ato miete), but if the sense is that the blossom has already fallen, it seems that there would be little of interest in such a sight. The Left should win, I think.’