asahi kage mada ideyaranu ashihiki no yama wa kasumi no iro zo utsurou
The morning sunlight Has yet to fall upon The leg-wearying Mountains, yet the haze’s Hues are shifting.
Takasuke, Gentleman-in-Waiting 9
Right
山姫のかすみのそでも紅に光そへたる朝日影かな
yamahime no kasumi no sode mo kurenai ni hikari soetaru asahi kage kana
The mountain princess has Her sleeves of haze turned Scarlet Draped with light by The morning sunshine!
Shimotsuke 10
The Left’s poem has no faults worth pointing out; the poem of the Right’s ‘morning sunlight draping scarlet light across the sleeves of haze’ is overly gorgeous, I think, while the Left seems perfectly beautiful, so it should win.
The Right state: the Left’s poem has only ‘daylight’ (hiruma) and no other associated images, which makes it unpleasant on the ear. The Left state: we wonder about ‘Not inclining is my darling’ (katabukanu imo).
In judgement: in addition to the lack of associated images with ‘daylight’, the content of the initial line seems insufficient. Although the Right’s ‘not inclining is my darling’ is a little unclear, it seems as if her feelings are unmoved in any way. This is certainly seems like the conception of the sun being fixed overhead at noon, so the Right should win.
