Round Four

Left (Both Judges – Win)

こひわぶる君が雲ゐの月ならば及ばぬ身にも影はみてまし

koiwaburu kimi ga kumoi no tsuki naraba oyobanu mi ni mo kage wa mitemashi

So cruel in your love, My lord, above the clouds The moon were you, then Though it reaches me not I wish your light to see…

Lady Kazusa
55

Right

いのるらん神のたたりはなさるとも逢ふてふ事に身をばけがさじ

inoruran kami no tatari wa nasaru tomo au chō koto ni mi oba kegasaji

You seem to pray for it, and Even should a deity’s taboo This break, A meeting Would be no pollution, I feel…

Lord Akinaka
56

Toshiyori states: the first poem makes a person into the moon, and is different in sense from the poem in the Tentoku poetry match which also uses ‘Though it reaches me not’. The second poem appears to be one written after becoming close to another—if that’s what the composition is about, then it should include an element from a prior poem for precedent. Then again, one could compose like this as a response to a prayer received from a man’s residence, in which case it would resemble something sent between people who have yet to meet. It loses.

Mototoshi states: saying ‘My lord, above the clouds / The moon were you, then’ appears an elegant sequence. I wonder if it was composed with the poem by Nakatsukasa in a poetry match in Tenryaku, where she uses ‘above the clouds, the moon’? While the ‘beloved light’ in this poem is very well depicted, here the diction seems stilted. As for the Right, up to ‘You seem to pray for it, and /Even should a deity’s taboo’ is acceptable, but ‘A meeting / Would be no pollution, I feel’ is extremely difficult to understand. Would a meeting, of whatever sort, be a cause of pollution? It really makes me feel as if something like ‘ditch’ was going to be dropped in! Neither has a charming conception, yet ‘above the clouds, the moon’ is slightly better in the present context.