furusato no hagi no shitaba mo irozukinu tsuyu nomi fukaki aki no urami ni
In this old, familiar place The bush clover’s underleaves, too, Have changed their hue— Only the dew is deep As autumn’s misery…[1]
Dōchin 55
Right (Win)
白露の玉ぬきみだる萩が枝に涙かずそふ秋の夕暮
shiratsuyu no tama nukimidaru hagi ga e ni namida kazusou aki no yūgure
Silver dewdrop Pearls are strung in tangles on The bush clover’s branches— Innumerable tears added On an autumn evening…
Dharma Master Nyokan 56
Left and Right both have a refined style, yet the Right has a better tone and sounds elegant. Thus, it wins.
[1] An allusive variation on: 比日之 暁露丹 吾屋前之 芽子乃下葉者 色付尓家里 kono koro no / akatoki tsuyu ni / wa ga yado no / hagi no shitaba wa / irozukinikeri ‘Around thus time near / Dawn, the dewfall on / My dwelling’s / Bush clover underleaves / Has changed their hue!’ Anonymous (MYS X: 2182)
waka no ura to omou bakari o tanomi nite yado mo sadamenu ama no ko zo uki
At Waka Bay, for my youth Simply do I long; Relying on A homeless Son of fisherfolk is sad, indeed.
Kyō 129
Right (Win)
すみよしのまつことなくていたづらにとしはつもりのうらみをぞする
sumiyoshi no matsu koto nakute itazura ni toshi wa tsumori no urami o zo suru
At Sumiyoshi Pine I do not, but How quickly The years have laid Their despite upon me!
Suehiro 130
The Left, while it does sound truly pitiful, truly could have had something in mind as an outcome of youth at Waka Bay. As for the Right, simply that ‘The years have laid / Their despite’ without pining, I know only too well, so I can say that the Right wins.
The Right state: why specifically refer to a ‘false crow’ (sorane)? This makes it sound as if the barrier would not be opened for a real bird’s cry. In response, the Left: as there is the precedent of a barrier being opened in response to a false crow, the poem draws upon this to refer to ‘the sounds I make’ (wa ga ne) – we fail to see why this is problematic. The Left state: we find no faults in need of identification in the Right’s poem.
In judgement: it seems difficult to distinguish between ‘the sounds I make’ and the ‘false crow’ in the Left’s poem, and the Right’s ‘dashed upon the waves are my sleeves’ (osauru sode) is pleasant. Thus, the Right wins.
