Left (Win)
山深み歎きこる男のをのれのみ苦しくまどふ恋の道かな
yama fukami
nageki koru o no
onore nomi
kurushiku madou
koi no michi kana | Deep within the mountains
Felling trees, a woodsman’s
Axe, my grief
Leaves me in pained confusion
On the paths of love… |
Lord Sada’ie
1187
Right
山人の帰る家路を思ふにも逢はぬ歎きぞ休むまもなき
yamabito no
kaeru ieji o
omou ni mo
awanu nageki zo
yasumu ma mo naki | A mountain man,
Homeward bound,
Is in my thoughts, but
Unable to meet with you grief
Gives me no respite. |
Ietaka
1188
Left and Right together state: no faults to mention.
In judgement: the Left has a profound conception of love. The Right’s ‘homeward bound’ (kaeru ieji) and ‘unable to meet with you grief’ (awanu nageki) are extremely difficult to grasp, I think. The Left should win.
Composed in the conception of the same Ryūmon.
山人のむかしの跡を来て見れば空しき床をはらふ谷風
yamabito no
mukasi no ato wo
kitemireba
munasiki yuka wo
FaraFu tanikaze |
Hermits’
Traces from times gone by
Did I come to see, but
Found an empty floor
Swept by the valley’s winds… |
Fujiwara no Kiyosuke
藤原清輔
Left.
山人の便りなりとも岡邊なる椎の小枝は折ずもあらなむ
yamabito no
tayori naritomo
okabenaru
shii no koyade wa
orazu mo aranamu |
For the mountain folk
Essential they may be, but
Upon the hillside
The brushwood branches
I would have them leave unbroken… |
Kenshō.
567
Right.
山深く賤の折りたく椎柴の音さへ寒き朝ぼらけかな
yama fukaku
shizu no oritaku
shiishiba no
oto sae samuki
asaborake kana |
Deep within the mountains
Woodsmen break and burn
The brushwood;
That sound brings the chill
To me this dawning… |
Ietaka.
568
The Right wonder what the intention is in the Left’s poem of regretting the breakage of ‘brushwood branches’. The Left say that the Right’s poem, ‘recalls a famous poem by one of the other gentlemen of the Right.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Simply using the old-fashioned koyade in place of the more current shiishiba does not improve the sound of the poem, I think. Starting ‘Deep within the mountains’ (yama fukaku) and then continuing ‘Woodsmen break and burn’ (shizu no oritaku) – is this supposed to convey the conception of felling trees [shiba o koru kokoro ni ya]? I hardly think that if one lived in the mountains, the sound of trees being cut and burnt would make one feel the chill. The diction of ‘deep within the mountains’ does not seem appropriate [‘yama fukaku’ no kotoba, kanai mo sezaru]. Given that it does sound old-fashioned, koyade does not sound like a winner, either. The poems are of equal quality.
'Simply moving and elegant'