sakura saku yoshino no yama no yamakaze ni fumoto o komete hana niourashi
Cherries bloom In the mountains of Yoshino, where The mountain breezes Make even the foothills Aglow with blossom.
Tomoshige 31
Right (Win)
花の色はあまりにけりなつくばねのこのもかのもにかかる白雲
hana no iro wa amarinikeri na tsukubane no kono mo kano mo ni kakaru shirakumo
The blossoms’ hues Have overflowed[1] The peak of Tsukuba— Near and far, both, Draped with clouds of white.[2]
Dharma Master Zenshin 32
The Left’s poem has no faults worth mentioning and, furthermore, is not particularly remarkable. The Right’s poem refers to the peak of Tsukuba; while this is generally thought of as a mountain, it is not necessarily limited to mountains and there are, I think, a bunch of instances where it means a place with lots of trees; however, because here it also conveys the conception of mountains, from the use of pleasant poetic technique, the Right should win.
[1] Zenshin is clearly referencing Ono no Komachi’s famous: Topic unknown. 花の色はうつりにけりないたづらにわが身世にふるながめせしまに hana no iro wa / utsurinikeri na / itazura ni / wa ga mi yo ni furu / nagame seshi ma ni ‘The blossoms’ hues / Have already faded away, / While in idle thoughts / My life goes by, / As I watch the long rains fall.’ (KKS II: 113).
[2] An allusive variation on: Eastern poem: a poem from Hitachi. 筑波嶺のこのもかのもに影はあれど君がみかげにます陰はなし tsukuba ne no / kono mo kano mo ni / kage aredo / kimi ga mikage ni / masu kage wa nashi ‘On the peak of Tsukuba / Here and there / Lie shadows, yet / To your shadow, my love (my Lord) / They cannot compare!’ Anonymous (KKS XX: 1095).
