Left.
山里は梢さびしく散果てゝ嵐の音も庭の枯葉に
| yamazato wa kozue sabishiku chirihatete arashi no oto mo niwa no kareba ni |
In a mountain home The treetops, desolately, Are completely bare; The storm-wind’s sound Is in my garden’s withered leaves… |
487
Right (Win).
木葉散る外山の暮を分行ば袖に嵐の聲ぞ砕くる
| ko no ha chiru toyama no kure o wakeyukeba sode ni arashi no koe zo kudakuru |
All the leaves are fallen, as Through the distant mountain’s dusk I make my way; Upon my sleeves, the storm-wind’s Cry is shattered. |
488
The Right state that the Left’s poem ‘seems superficially appealing, but actually has nothing remarkable about it.’ The Left question how the poet can ‘make his way through the dusk’ (kure o wakeyuku) and ‘shatter’ (kudakuru) the wind.
Shunzei’s judgment: The lower section of the Left’s poem is charming [okashiku koso haberu], but the initial section is frequently used, and old fashioned [tsune no furugoto nite]. The Right’s shattering of the wind in ‘the distant mountains’ dusk’ is a questionable expression [obotsukanaki yō], but the Left’s initial section really does sound as if it lacks any artistry [muisugite kikoyu]. The Right’s total effect is most fine [sugata yoroshiku miehaberi]. It should win.