Left (Win).
一年を眺め盡せる朝戸出に薄雪氷るさびしさの果て
| hitotose o nagametsukuseru asatode ni usuyuki kōru sabishisa no hate |
All throughout the year Have I gazed, until I can do no more, then Opening my door this morning A light fall of frozen snow Brings me to the ends of sorrow… |
547
Right.
人をさへ訪はでこそ見れ今朝の雪を我踏み分けん跡の惜しきに
| hito o sae towade koso mire kesa no yuki o ware fumiwaken ato no oshiki ni |
Even you, I will not call upon, gazing At this morning’s snow, Should I tread through it, I would regret the tracks I’d leave… |
548
The Right state that the Left’s poem is ‘overblown and intimidating’ [yuyushigeni odosaretari]. The Left merely state the Right’s poem is ‘unremarkable’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘All throughout the year have I gazed, until I can do no more’ (hitotose o nagametsukushi), followed by ‘the ends of sorrow’ (sabishisa no hate), gives the impression that the snow must be extremely deep, but saying ‘a light fall of frozen snow’ (usuyuki koru) sounds contrary to the content. The Right’s ‘even you, I will not call upon’ (hito o sae towazu) and ‘should I tread through it, I would regret the tracks’ (ware fumiwaken ato no oshiki ni) more than being trite in conception [tsune no kokoro], is direct in diction [kotoba kudakete], and sounds overly definite [amari tashika ni kikoete], so the conception of ‘I will not call upon, gazing’ (towade koso mire) is inferior to that of ‘light snow’ (usuyuki).