Left (Win).
秋はなを霧の靡に鹿鳴て花も露けき夕なりけり
| aki wa nao kiri no nabiki ni shika nakite hana mo tsuyukeki yū narikeri |
It truly is autumn – Through the fluttering mist Comes the belling of a stag, and The blooms, too, are dew-drenched At even time… |
373
Right.
哀をばいかにせよとて入會の聲うち添ふる鹿の音ならん
| aware o ba ika ni seyo tote iriai no koe uchi souru shika no ne naran |
More sad Than this there’s nothing! The evening bell Tolling, accompanied by The belling of a stag. |
374
The Right wonder, ‘In the expression “the blooms, too”, what does the “too” (mo) connect with? In addition, simply finishing the poem “At even time” (yū narikeri) shows a lack of conception.’ The Left counter that, ‘In the Right’s poem, expressions such as “more sad” (aware o ba) and “the belling of a stag” (shika no ne naran) are feeble. In addition, what of having iriai (“evening [bell]”), without explicitly including “bell” (kane)?’
Shunzei’s judgement: While I do wonder about the expression, ‘at even time’, with the inclusion of ‘too’ in the phrase ‘the blooms, too’, there is the impression of unspoken emotional overtones to the poem. The configuration of the first phrase, too, is particularly tasteful. As for the Right’s poem, it is not the case that iriai must always be accompanied by kane (‘bell’) – one can hear the bell in the phrase. However, overall, the Left’s poem gives a stronger impression, and so wins.