akatsuki ni nari ya shinuran ogurayama naku shika no ne ni tsuki katabukinu
Is the dawning On its way, I wonder? On gloomy Mount Ogura Crying, a stag bell out As the moon sets.
Mototoshi, Former Assistant Captain in the Palace Guards, Left Division 9
Right
暁や声高砂になく鹿をほのかにやきく沖の舟人
akatsuki ya koe takasago ni naku shika o honoka ni ya kiku oki no funabito
At the dawning From the heights, the bell, at Takasago Of a stag Is faintly heard, perhaps, By the boatmen on the offing…
Head 10
The Left’s poem lacks any superlative diction, yet does not appear to have any glaring faults either. As for the Right’s poem, I do question the placement of ‘at’ in ‘at the dawning’ and, in addition, the order seems reversed in ‘From the heights, the bell, at Takasago / Of a stag’—so much so that I find it difficult to grasp the sense. If the poem had been composed to put ‘stag’ before ‘heights of Takasago’, the poem would feel more trustworthy, wouldn’t it.
saoshika no fushido o asami fuku kaze ni yowa ni naku ne zo fukaku nariyuku
The stag’s Resting place disturbed by The gusting wind At midnight his belling cry Comes from deeper in the mountains.
Chikanari 77
Right
さらでだにね覚かなしき秋風に夜しもなどか鹿の鳴くらん
sarade dani nezame kanashiki akikaze ni yoru shimo nado ka shika no nakuran
Even were it not so, To waken is so sad With the cruel autumn wind; Why is it that above all at night The stag should cry so?
Ie’kiyo 78
The Left poem’s ‘at midnight his belling cry comes from deeper’ does not sound especially elegant. The Right poem composes ‘why is it that above all at night the stag should cry so’, sounding like it is only at night that stags bell, but stags do this all the time in autumn. The Ancient and Modern also has the composition, ‘Mud-daubers buzzing / In the autumn bush clover; / Leaving with morning’.[1] The poems of Left and Right have no merits or faults between them—they should tie.
[1] This is a quotation from: Topic unknown. すがるなく秋のはぎはらあさたちて旅行く人をいつとかまたむ sugaru naku / aki no hagiwara / asa tachite / tabi yuku hito o / itsu to ka matan ‘Mud-daubers buzzing / In the autumn bush clover; / Leaving with morning, / Away on a journey: for him, / How long must I wait?’ Anonymous (KKS VIII: 366)
ima sara ni fushi mo sadamenu shika no ne yo ko no ha no kazu no tsumoru goto ni
At around this time, With his bedding undecided, The stag bells out! Just as the leaves’ from on the trees numbers Do mount up…
Shō 75
Right (Win)
木葉ちる夜半の嵐の月影に心すみてや鹿も鳴くらん
ko no ha chiru yowa no arashi no tsukikage ni kokoro sumite ya shika mo nakuran
Leaves scatter from the trees In the midnight storm In the moonlight From his wild and earthy thoughts Does the stag, too, cry out?
Nagatsuna 76
The Left’s ‘just as the leaves from on the trees numbers do mount up’ at night and so forth, appears to be a novel style, yet the Right poem sounds more gorgeous, so it wins.
ono ga sumu mine no kogarashi samuki yo wa shika mo momiji no koromo kirurashi
Where he dwells upon The peak, the bitter wind On a night so chill, for The stag, of scarlet leaves Does seem to make a robe.
The Supernumerary Major Counsellor 69
Right
すみのぼる月にうらむる声すなりねられぬ鹿や夜寒なるらん
suminoboru tsuki ni uramuru koesunari nerarenu shika ya yozamu naruran
Climbing clearly At the moon, in despair Does he cry— Sleepless, does the stag Feel night’s chill, perhaps?
Nobunari 70
The Left’s poem has ‘the stag, of scarlet leaves does seem to make a robe’ which sounds charming, and the Right’s poem has ‘sleepless, does the stag feel night’s chill, perhaps’, which appears refined. Thus, they tie.
mononofu mo aware to omoe azusayumi hikino no yowa no saoshika no koe
Let even a warrior Feel pity! A catalpa bow drawn On Hiki Plain at a midnight Stag’s call.
The Former Minister of the Centre 67
Right (Win)
つれもなきつまをやたのむ秋風の身にさむき夜は鹿も鳴くなり
tsure mo naki tsuma o ya tanomu akikaze no mi ni samuki yo wa shika mo nakunari
Is it his heartless Bride he seeks? The autumn wind Chills the bones at night As the stag, too, does cry.[1]
Kozaishō 68
The Left’s poem seems to have no faults worth mentioning, but the Right’s poem is composed with the poem ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night’ in mind and seems particularly pleasant, so it wins.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. 秋風の身にさむければつれもなき人をぞたのむくるる夜ごとに aki kaze no / mi ni samukereba / tsuremonaki / hito o zo tanomu / kururu yo goto ni ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night.’ Dharma Master Sosei (KKS XII: 555)
hisakata no katsura no kage ni naku shika wa hikari o kakete koe zo sayakeki
In the eternal Silver trees’ glow The belling stag Is limned with light, and His voice sounds clear, indeed!
A Court Lady 65
Right (Win)
天川秋の一夜のちぎりだにかた野に鹿の音をや鳴くらん
ama no kawa aki no hitoyo no chigiri dani katano ni shika no ne o ya nakuran
By the River of Heaven For a single autumn night’s Brief bond— Is that why a stag at Katano Does cry out so?
Ietaka 66
The Right’s poem, by beginning with ‘By the River of Heaven / For a single autumn night’s / Brief bond’ and then continuing with ‘a stag at Katano’ sounds particularly refined, evoking memories of bygone days when Prince Koretaka sought lodging from the Weaver Maid when hunting at Katano—how charming it is.[2] The Left’s poem overall is not particularly bad and seems to lack any obvious faults, but the Right’s poem surpasses it in every way: it is not one of the normal run of compositions and thus, it must win.
[1] 夜鹿 – there are early examples of poems on related topics in Kin’yōshū and Senzaishū.
[2] Gotoba is referring to a pair of poems in Kokinshū which are contextualized by an account of a hunting expedition by Prince Koretaka 惟喬 (844-897): Once, when he had gone hunting in the company of Prince Koretaka, they dismounted by the banks of a river called Ama no Gawa (River of Heaven), and while they were tippling, the Prince commanded that Narihira offer him a wine cup with a poem expressing the feelings of a hunter arriving at the river of Heaven, so he composed the following: かりくらしたなばたつめにやどからむあまのかはらに我はきにけり kari kurashi / tanabatatsume ni / yado karamu / ama no kawara ni / ware wa kinkeri ‘While hunting night is falling, / So from the Weaver Maid / Let us beg lodging / For to the Riverbank of Heaven / Have we come!’ Ariwara no Narihira (KKS IX: 418); The prince recited the above poem many times, but was unable to think of a reply so, being one of the party, Aritsune composed this: ひととせにひとたびきます君まてばやどかす人もあらじとぞ思ふ hito tose ni / hito tabi kimasu / kimi mateba / yado kasu hito mo / araji to zo omou ‘In a single year / But once comes / The Lord she awaits, so / One who provides lodging / She is not, I’d say!’ Ki no Aritsune (KKS IX: 419). These poems were famously incorporated into chapter 82 of Ise monogatari with four others to provide an expanded context. See Horiuchi and Akiyama (1997, 157-160) for the original text and Mostow and Tyler (2010, 175-179) for an English translation and commentary.
