すみの江におふてふ松の枝しげみ葉ごとに千代の数ぞこもれる
| suminoe ni ou chō matsu no eda shigemi ha goto ni chiyo no kazu zo komoreru | At Suminoe Grow, they say, pines with Boughs so lush: Every single needle, a thousand ages’ in Number does contain! |
660
Tag Archives: kazu
SKKS XIX: 1874
Eien narabō uta’awase 34
Round Six
Left (Win)
うれしさはおほつのはまにたつなみのかずもしられぬきみがみよかな
| ureshisa wa ōtsu no hama ni tatsu nami no kazu mo shirarenu kimi ga miyo kana | My joy is Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach Break waves In numbers quite unknown, Such is my Lord’s reign most fair! |
Cell of Fragrant Cloud
67
Right
かすがやまみねのしらがしよろづよをきみにといへばかみもいさめず
| kasugayama mine no shiragashi yorozuyo o kimi ni to ieba kami mo isamezu | Kasuga Mountain has White-barked evergreen oaks upon its peak: ‘Ten thousand generations For my Lord!’—should I say that, The God will surely not refuse! |
Cell of Compassionate Light
68
The poem of the Left’s ‘Great, as upon Ōtsu Beach’ and what follows is something that sounds grievously prosaic. With that said, there are many parts of the poem which are not. What is the poem of the Right’s ‘White-barked evergreen oaks on its peak / Ten thousand generations’ linked with in the remainder of the poem? I wonder what it’s composed about… The Left doesn’t contain any errors, so I still say it wins.
The Left’s poem, as I have said in an earlier round, appears to lack smoothness. Is the poem of the Right’s ‘white-barked evergreen oaks’ a long-standing expression? I can’t seem to recall a prior precedent. ‘The God will surely not refuse’ is vague, too. Is it asking the deity’s favour for the speaker? While I am somewhat hesitant, given my appallingly constricted knowledge, I will, fearfully, say that this is inferior.
Eien narabō uta’awase 33
Round Five
Left
君がよはながゐのうらのはまかぜにたつしらなみのかずもしられず
| kimi ga yo wa nagai no ura no hamakaze ni tatsu shiranami no kazu mo shirarezu | My Lord’s reign: At Nagai Bay The beach breezes Rouse the whitecaps In number entirely unknown. |
Controller’s Graduate
65
Right
きみがよをまつちのやまのこまつばらちよのけしきを見るぞうれしき
| kimi ga yo o matsuchi no yama no komatsubara chiyo no keshiki o miru zo ureshiki | My Lord’s reign Awaiting upon Matsuchi Mountain The pine seedling groves The sight for a thousand ages Joyfully will see! |
Kerin’in Graduate
66
It’s impossible to decide on a winner or loser between the Left and the Right here in terms of conception, diction and overall style. To put it in general terms, I must make this round a further tie.
Neither Left nor Right is remarkable, but nor do they have any faults to mention. I’d make this round a tie.
Eien narabō uta’awase 32
Round Four
Left
うちむれていはねにねざすこまつばのきぎのちとせはきみぞかぞへむ
| uchimurete iwane ni nezasu komatsuba no kigi no chitose wa kimi zo kazoemu | Crowding At the crags’ foot, roots stretching, The dwarf pines’ needles with The trees’ thousand years— My Lord may count them all! |
Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
63
Right (Win)
たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや
| tatoubeki mono koso nakere kimi ga yo wa hama no masago mo kazu nakarame ya | A suitable metaphor Is there none, at all! My Lord’s reign: Even the fair sands on the shore Would not exceed its number… |
Cell of Everlasting Truth
64
Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.
I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.
Eien narabō uta’awase 30
Round Two
Left (Win)
君がよはあまのいはとをいづるひのいくめぐりてふかずもしられず
| kimi ga yo wa ama no iwato o izuru hi no iku meguri chō kazu mo shirarezu | My Lord’s reign: Since from the stone door in the heavens Emerged the sun, ‘How many circuits has she made?’, they ask— A number quite unknown. |
Lord Saburō
59
Right
みかさやまふもとのさとはあめのしたふるにおもひもあらじとぞ思ふ
| mikasayama fumoto no sato wa ame no shita furu ni omoi mo araji to zo omou | At Mikasa Moutain’s Foot, in a hamlet ‘neath the heavens Passing time—painful thoughts There I’d have not a one, I feel! |
Ushigimi
60
The Left’s poem goes beyond the general flow of diction, containing mystery and depth. I have to say it is truly superior. While the Right’s poem has no faults to mention, it has yet to emerge from prosaic expression. Thus, the Left wins.
The ‘stone door in the heavens’ is that which the supreme sun-deity Amaterasu stood before and then entered. But when we’re talking about dawn breaking at the end of night, we say ‘gates of heaven’. Which of these two was did the poet have in mind, I wonder? If he was thinking of dawn breaking, then the usage is erroneous, but even if he did mean ‘stone door of the heavens’, then do we use this about the circuits of the sun? This is vague. In addition, the final ‘they ask’ is difficult to pronounce. As for the Right’s poem, ‘‘neath the heavens’ lacks emotion. The dual use of ‘thoughts’ and ‘feels’, as I have already remarked, is not an error, but does grate on the ears a bit.
Kinkai wakashū 523
Eien narabō uta’awase 20
Round Six
Left
あきの夜のありあけのつきはくまもなしあさくらやまもなのみこそあらめ
| aki no yo no ariake no tsuki wa kuma mo nashi asakurayama mo na nomi koso arame | At an autumn night’s Dawn, the moon Has not a cloud before it; The Mount of Morning Dark May be so in name alone! |
Cell of Fragrant Cloud
39
Right (Win)
秋の月あかしのうらはなびきもにすむわれからのかずも見つべし
| aki no tsuki akashi no ura wa nabikimo ni sumu warekara no kazu mo mitsubeshi | The autumn moon is Bright above Akashi Bay; Among the trailing seaweed Dwell tiny shrimp, Their number now clear to my eyes. |
Cell of Compassionate Light
40
The poem of the Left is an entirely tedious composition. It simply states that a cloudless autumn moon does not fit with the place name, Mount Asakura. The moon at ‘dawn’ is the same as the moon at ‘dawntime’, while Mount Asakura is used when dawn has completely finished. As for the poem of the Right, while the moon is described as bright, it doesn’t seem right to then make it a poem about trailing seaweed—this does not seem charming at all. This round, too, there’s not much more I can say than that.
As I have already mentioned, ‘moon at dawn’ in the poem of the Left is an expression which it is impossible to say is praiseworthy. Even more so, really, the concluding ‘may be so in name alone’ just says ‘is so in name alone’, doesn’t it? It’s contrary to reason to say that it’s fluent and thus, and I say this reluctantly, it’s difficult to understand. As for the Right’s poem, I don’t understand this either: it ought to be ‘their numbers, too, I have been able to see’—saying ‘their number now clear to my eyes’ implies that you haven’t previously been able to see them up to that point, and it’s vague about when you have. Even so, it’s getting light, so the light of the moon at dawn seems superior.
Entō ōn’uta’awase 38
Round Thirty-Eight
Left
今更にふしもさだめぬ鹿の音よ木葉の数のつもるよごとに
| ima sara ni fushi mo sadamenu shika no ne yo ko no ha no kazu no tsumoru goto ni | At around this time, With his bedding undecided, The stag bells out! Just as the leaves’ from on the trees numbers Do mount up… |
Shō
75
Right (Win)
木葉ちる夜半の嵐の月影に心すみてや鹿も鳴くらん
| ko no ha chiru yowa no arashi no tsukikage ni kokoro sumite ya shika mo nakuran | Leaves scatter from the trees In the midnight storm In the moonlight From his wild and earthy thoughts Does the stag, too, cry out? |
Nagatsuna
76
The Left’s ‘just as the leaves from on the trees numbers do mount up’ at night and so forth, appears to be a novel style, yet the Right poem sounds more gorgeous, so it wins.
Kinkai wakashū 466
三熊野のうらのはまゆふいはずとも思ふ心の数をしらなん
| mikumano no ura no hamayū iwazu tomo omou kokoro no kazu o shiranan | At fair Kumano, Lilies on the beach Say nothing, yet The yearnings in my heart for you In number I would have you know![1] |
466
[1] An allusive variation on: [One of] Four poems by Hitomaro, Lord Kakinomoto. み熊野の浦の濱木綿百重なす心は思へど直に逢はぬかも mikumano no / ura no hamayū / momoe nasu / kokoro wa omoedo / tada ni awanu kamo ‘At fair Kumano / Lilies on the beach / A hundred deep / My heart’s yearning, but / Never will we meet.’ (MYS IV: 496)