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Nishinomiya uta'awase

Nishinomiya uta’awase 07

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Insect and Evenings

Round Seven

Left

はふりこがしめゆふ野べの鈴虫は夕つけてこそふりたててなけ

hōriko ga
shimeyū nobe no
suzumushi wa
yū tsukete koso
furitatete nake		The priests have
Garlanded the meadows where
The bell crickets
With the fall of evening
Sing out so loud.

Major Archbishop
13

Right

神がきのいはねにさせる榊葉にゆふかけてなく鈴虫のこゑ

kamigaki no
iwane ni saseru
sakakiba ni
yū kakete naku
suzumushi no koe		Within the sacred precincts
At the crags’ foot thrust
Are leaves from the sacred tree
To the garlands clinging, as crying
Come the bell crickets’ songs.

Tadasue, Senior Assistant Minister of the Sovereign’s Household
14

I would say that both of these, Left and Right, are of the same quality in terms of diction and configuration.

Eien narabō uta'awase

Eien narabō uta’awase 32

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Round Four

Left

うちむれていはねにねざすこまつばのきぎのちとせはきみぞかぞへむ

uchimurete
iwane ni nezasu
komatsuba no
kigi no chitose wa
kimi zo kazoemu		Crowding
At the crags’ foot, roots stretching,
The dwarf pines’ needles with
The trees’ thousand years—
My Lord may count them all!

Cell of the Fragrant Elephant
63

Right (Win)

たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや

tatoubeki
mono koso nakere
kimi ga yo wa
hama no masago mo
kazu nakarame ya		A suitable metaphor
Is there none, at all!
My Lord’s reign:
Even the fair sands on the shore
Would not exceed its number…

Cell of Everlasting Truth
64

Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.

I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.

Eien narabō uta'awase

Eien narabō uta’awase 30

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Round Two

Left (Win)

君がよはあまのいはとをいづるひのいくめぐりてふかずもしられず

kimi ga yo wa
ama no iwato o
izuru hi no
iku meguri chō
kazu mo shirarezu		My Lord’s reign:
Since from the stone door in the heavens
Emerged the sun,
‘How many circuits has she made?’, they ask—
A number quite unknown.

Lord Saburō
59

Right

みかさやまふもとのさとはあめのしたふるにおもひもあらじとぞ思ふ

mikasayama
fumoto no sato wa
ame no shita
furu ni omoi mo
araji to zo omou		At Mikasa Moutain’s
Foot, in a hamlet
‘neath the heavens
Passing time—painful thoughts
There I’d have not a one, I feel!

Ushigimi
60

The Left’s poem goes beyond the general flow of diction, containing mystery and depth. I have to say it is truly superior. While the Right’s poem has no faults to mention, it has yet to emerge from prosaic expression. Thus, the Left wins.

The ‘stone door in the heavens’ is that which the supreme sun-deity Amaterasu stood before and then entered. But when we’re talking about dawn breaking at the end of night, we say ‘gates of heaven’. Which of these two was did the poet have in mind, I wonder? If he was thinking of dawn breaking, then the usage is erroneous, but even if he did mean ‘stone door of the heavens’, then do we use this about the circuits of the sun? This is vague. In addition, the final ‘they ask’ is difficult to pronounce. As for the Right’s poem, ‘‘neath the heavens’ lacks emotion. The dual use of ‘thoughts’ and ‘feels’, as I have already remarked, is not an error, but does grate on the ears a bit.

Entō ōn'uta'awase

Entō ōn’uta’awase 40

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Round Forty

Left (Win)

山もとの杜のしめ縄ながきよを秋のをしかの鳴きあかすらん

yamamoto no
mori no shimenawa
nagaki yo o
aki no oshika no
nakiakasuran		At the mountains’ foot lies
A sacred grove with garlands
Long as the nights
In autumn when the stag
Bells in the dawn.

Tomoshige
79

Right

なよ竹のよながき秋の山風に幾たび鹿のね覚しつらん

nayotake no
yo nagaki aki no
yamakaze ni
ikutabi shika no
nezameshitsuran		Green bamboo with
Knots as apart as the autumn night is long,
While with the mountain wind
How many times might the stag
Have awakened?[1]

Dharma Master Zenshin
80

The Left’s poem has ‘at the mountains’ foot lies a sacred grove with garlands long as the nights’ which sounds pleasant. The Right has ‘knots as apart as the autumn night is long, while with the mountain wind’—these, too, seem to have no clear winner or loser, yet still, the Left should be superior and should win.[2]

[1] An allusive variation on: Composed when the gentlemen in the Crown Prince’s service were presented with wine, on the occasion of Tadafusa being appointed Secretary of an embassy to China, during the reign of the Kanpyō emperor. なよ竹のよながきうへにはつしものおきゐて物を思ふころかな nayotake no / yo nagaki  ue ni / hatsushimo no / oki’ite mono o / omou koro kana ‘Green bamboo with / Knots as far apart as the night is long / While the first frost settles on my active / Thoughts these days!’ Fujiwara no Tadafusa (KKS XVIII: 993)

Fubokushō

Fubokushō XXIV: 11156

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From a poetry contest at Sadafun’s house.

みねはもえふもとはこほるふじ川のわれもうき世を住みぞわづらふ

mine Fa moe
Fumoto Fa koForu
FuzigaFa no
ware mo ukiyo wo
sumi zo waduraFu		At the peak it burns and
At the foot does freeze:
The Fuji River, just as
I, too, in this cruel world
Live and suffer.

Fukayabu

This is the sole surviving poem from ‘Sadafumi’s Poetry Contest‘.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VII: 4

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Left.
年月ぞ思かひなく過にける君をきませの山のふもとに

toshitsuki zo
omou kainaku
suginikeru
kimi o kimase no
yama no fumoto ni		 For many years and months
I yearned to no end,
Passing time
Calling you on Kimase
Mountain’s foot.

Lord Suetsune.
967

Right (Win).
吉野山戀のあまりに思入ぬなかなかさらば人や訪ふとて

yoshinoyama
koi no amari ni
omoi’irinu
nakanaka saraba
hito ya tou tote		 As Mount Yoshino
Is my love’s extent,
So deeply do I feel it;
But were I to do so,
Perhaps he would visit me there?

Nobusada.
968

Both Right and Left together state the opposing poem has no faults to indicate.

In judgement: in the Left’s poem, would it really be to no end to pass the time calling on Mount Kimase? The Right’s poem, on Mount Yoshino, has ‘but were I to do so’ (naka saraba), which sounds charming. Thus, the Right wins.