akatsuki ni nari ya shinuran ogurayama naku shika no ne ni tsuki katabukinu
Is the dawning On its way, I wonder? On gloomy Mount Ogura Crying, a stag bell out As the moon sets.
Mototoshi, Former Assistant Captain in the Palace Guards, Left Division 9
Right
暁や声高砂になく鹿をほのかにやきく沖の舟人
akatsuki ya koe takasago ni naku shika o honoka ni ya kiku oki no funabito
At the dawning From the heights, the bell, at Takasago Of a stag Is faintly heard, perhaps, By the boatmen on the offing…
Head 10
The Left’s poem lacks any superlative diction, yet does not appear to have any glaring faults either. As for the Right’s poem, I do question the placement of ‘at’ in ‘at the dawning’ and, in addition, the order seems reversed in ‘From the heights, the bell, at Takasago / Of a stag’—so much so that I find it difficult to grasp the sense. If the poem had been composed to put ‘stag’ before ‘heights of Takasago’, the poem would feel more trustworthy, wouldn’t it.
takasago no susono no ma’hagi tsuyu fukashi mine no akikaze fukazu mo aranamu
On Takasago’s Slopes the fair bush clover is Deep in dew— O, that the autumn winds from the peak Would fail to blow…
The Supernumerary Major Counsellor 53
Right
久かたの天とぶかりの涙さへおちてみだるる萩のうは露
hisakata no ama tobu kari no namida sae ochite midaruru hagi no uwazuyu
From the eternal Heavens flying, even the goose Tears Drop in confusion Overlaying the dew upon the bush clover.[1]
Nobunari 54
Both Left and Right seem particularly pleasant. Thus, they tie.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. なきわたるかりの涙やおちつらむ物思ふやどの萩のうへのつゆ nakiwataru / kari no namida ya / ochitsuran / mono’omou yado no / hagi no ue no tsuyu ‘Calling across / Did the geese let tears / Fall? / My dwelling, lost in thought, / Has dew upon the bush clover.’ Anonymous (KKS IV: 221)
Composed on the conception of gazing at mountain cherries in the distance, when people were drinking wine and composing poetry at the residence of the Minister of the Centre.
高砂の尾上のさくらさきにけりと山のかすみたたずもあらなん
takasago no wonoFe no sakura sakinikeri toyama no kasumi tatazu mo aranan
On Takasago’s Heights the cherries Have bloomed; O, I wish the haze around the nearby peaks Would not rise at all!
