Left.
山人の便りなりとも岡邊なる椎の小枝は折ずもあらなむ
yamabito no
tayori naritomo
okabenaru
shii no koyade wa
orazu mo aranamu |
For the mountain folk
Essential they may be, but
Upon the hillside
The brushwood branches
I would have them leave unbroken… |
Kenshō.
567
Right.
山深く賤の折りたく椎柴の音さへ寒き朝ぼらけかな
yama fukaku
shizu no oritaku
shiishiba no
oto sae samuki
asaborake kana |
Deep within the mountains
Woodsmen break and burn
The brushwood;
That sound brings the chill
To me this dawning… |
Ietaka.
568
The Right wonder what the intention is in the Left’s poem of regretting the breakage of ‘brushwood branches’. The Left say that the Right’s poem, ‘recalls a famous poem by one of the other gentlemen of the Right.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Simply using the old-fashioned koyade in place of the more current shiishiba does not improve the sound of the poem, I think. Starting ‘Deep within the mountains’ (yama fukaku) and then continuing ‘Woodsmen break and burn’ (shizu no oritaku) – is this supposed to convey the conception of felling trees [shiba o koru kokoro ni ya]? I hardly think that if one lived in the mountains, the sound of trees being cut and burnt would make one feel the chill. The diction of ‘deep within the mountains’ does not seem appropriate [‘yama fukaku’ no kotoba, kanai mo sezaru]. Given that it does sound old-fashioned, koyade does not sound like a winner, either. The poems are of equal quality.
Left.
有明の名ばかり秋の月影に弱り果てたる蟲の聲かな
ariake no
na bakari aki no
tsukikage ni
yowarihatetaru
mushi no koe kana |
Dawn it is in
Name alone; in autumn
The moonlight is
At its faintest
As are the insects’ songs… |
Lord Sada’ie.
477
Right (Win).
暮れて行秋の名残も山の端に月と共にや有明の空
kureteyuku
aki no nagori mo
yama no ha ni
tsuki to tomo ni ya
ariake no sora |
Turning to dusk,
Is there a memento of autumn, too,
Upon the mountains’ edge
Together with the moon in
The dawning skies? |
Jakuren.
478
The Right question the Left’s use of ‘Dawn it is in name alone’ (ariake no na bakari). The Left find no fault with the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: I do not feel there is anything particularly wrong with ‘name alone; in autumn’ (na bakari aki no), but the Right’s ‘Together with the moon in the dawning skies’ (tsuki to tomo ni ya ariake no sora) seems most fine [yoroshikuhaberubeshi]. Thus, the Right wins.
Left (Win).
霜結ぶ秋の末葉の小篠原風には露のこぼれしものを
shimo musubu
aki no sueba no
ozasawara
kaze ni wa tsuyu no
koboreshi mono o |
Bound with frost
Are the leaf-tips of
The dwarf-bamboo grove, from where
The wind flung dewdrops
Once… |
A Servant Girl.
467
Right.
月見れば霜に光を添へてけり秋の末葉の有明の空
tsuki mireba
shimo ni hikari o
soetekeri
aki no sueba no
ariake no sora |
Looking at the moon,
Its light the frostfall
Has touched,
Autumn’s last leaf
From the dawning sky… |
Lord Takanobu.
468
The Right state that, ‘If it were ‘dewdrops flung by the wind’ (tsuyu wa kaze ni koboreshi), the conception [kokoro] of the Left’s poem would be easier to understand.’ The Left respond that, ‘The meanings of both are identical. However, in the Right’s poem it is not clear what the ‘last leaf’ (sueba) is.’
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Right’s poem, in addition to the expression ‘autumn’s last leaf’ having no clear referent, shows a weakness of conception [kokoro sukunaku kikoyu] with ‘looking at the moon’ (tsuki mireba). The Left, progressing from, ‘bound with frost’ (shimo musubu) to ‘leaf tips’ (sueba) and then ‘dwarf-bamboo grove’ (ozasawara) sounds most fine [yoroshiku kikokyu]. Thus, the Left must win.
Left (Tie).
さやかなる秋にもまされあはれかな月影かすむ有明の空
sayakanaru
aki no mo masare
aware kana
tsuki kage kasumu
ariake no sora |
The clarity of
Autumn, too, is splendid and
Moving, indeed, I feel in
The hazy moonlight from
The daybreak sky. |
Lord Ari’ie.
119
Right (Tie).
今はとてたのむの雁もうちわびぬ朧月夜の明ぼのゝ空
ima wa tote
tanomu no kari mo
uchiwabinu
oborozukiyo no
akebono no sora |
‘Now we must return,’
The field resting geese
Lament, under the
Misty moonlit
Dawning sky. |
Jakuren.
120
The Right team once again rate the Left’s poem as ‘satisfying’, while the Left say the Right’s is ‘especially satisfying. ’
Shunzei’s judgement is that ‘the Left’s “hazy moonlight from the daybreak sky” (tsuki kage kasumu ariake no sora) and the Right’s “Misty moonlit dawning sky” (oborozukiyo no akebono no sora) are both splendid. It is difficult, indeed, to decide between them. Another excellent tie.’
Left.
おほかたの月もつれなき鐘の音に猶うらめしき有明の空
ôkata no
tsuki mo tsurenaki
kane no oto ni
nao urameshiki
ariake no sora |
In general,
The moon, with the heartless,
Morning bell’s chime
I find ever more hateful as
The dawning sky. |
161
Right (Win).
下もゆるなげきの煙空に見よ今も野山の秋の夕暮
shita moyuru
nageki no keburi
sora ni miyo
ima mo noyama no
aki no yûgure |
Burning within,
My grief sends smoke into
The skies – behold it
Now above the mounts and plains
This autumn evening! |
162
Left.
心からあくがれそめし花の香になを物思ふ春の曙
kokoro kara
akugaresomeshi
hana no ka ni
nao mono’omou
haru no akebono |
My heart
From the very first did love
The blossoms’ scent, which
Still, brings me to thoughts of you
This spring dawning… |
157
Right (Win).
白妙の袖のわかれに露落て身にしむ色の秋風ぞ吹
shirotae no
sode no wakare ni
tsuyu ochite
mi ni shimu iro no
aki kaze zo fuku |
White mulberry-cloth
Sleeves parting:
Dew dropped,
The colours stain my soul,
Yearning carried on the autumn wind. |
158
'Simply moving and elegant'