kumo kakaru takashi no yama no akegure ni tsuma madowaseru oshika naku nari
All hung about with cloud On Takashi Mountain In the gloaming Having lost his mate A stag bells out.
Nakamasa 11
Right
山がつの先あかつきをしりがほに裾野に出でて鹿ぞ鳴くなる
yamagatsu no mazu akatsuki o shirigao ni susono ni idete shika zo naku naru
A mountain man First of all, that ‘tis dawn Knows plain upon his face, As he sets out upon the slopes As a stag bells out!
Head 12
The Left poem’s conclusion, ‘Having lost his mate / A stag bells out’ seems no different from that of a poem by Gō no Jijū in poetry match held by the First Princess.[1] As for the poem of the Right’s ‘A mountain man / Awaits the dawn / Knowing plain upon his face’—what on earth might a mountain man look like while waiting for dawn? There is the tale of Hangu Pass in Cathay, where the barrier guard was waiting for dawn and opened the gate after hearing a cock’s crow, but the expression ‘a mountain man awaits the dawn’ has never appeared before in a poem—either one of Cathay or in the words of Yamato, so I feel that both Left and Right lack any superlative qualities.
[1] Stags. をぐら山たちどもみえぬゆふぎりにつままどはせるしかぞなくなる ogurayama / tachidomo mienu / yūgiri ni / tsuma madowaseru / shika zo nakunaru ‘On gloomy Ogura Mountain / Stands unseen / Among the evening mists / Having lost his mate / A belling stag.’ (Yūshi naishinnō-ke uta’awase eishō go-nen 27). This event was held at the residence of Imperial Princess Sukeko (Yūshi) on the 5th day of the Sixth Month, Eishō 5 [26.10.1050]. The poem won its round, and was later included in Goshūishū (IV: 292).
mononofu mo aware to omoe azusayumi hikino no yowa no saoshika no koe
Let even a warrior Feel pity! A catalpa bow drawn On Hiki Plain at a midnight Stag’s call.
The Former Minister of the Centre 67
Right (Win)
つれもなきつまをやたのむ秋風の身にさむき夜は鹿も鳴くなり
tsure mo naki tsuma o ya tanomu akikaze no mi ni samuki yo wa shika mo nakunari
Is it his heartless Bride he seeks? The autumn wind Chills the bones at night As the stag, too, does cry.[1]
Kozaishō 68
The Left’s poem seems to have no faults worth mentioning, but the Right’s poem is composed with the poem ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night’ in mind and seems particularly pleasant, so it wins.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. 秋風の身にさむければつれもなき人をぞたのむくるる夜ごとに aki kaze no / mi ni samukereba / tsuremonaki / hito o zo tanomu / kururu yo goto ni ‘The autumn wind / Chills my bones / As cold as / The woman I hope for / In the dark, night after night.’ Dharma Master Sosei (KKS XII: 555)
arashi fuku makuzu ga hara ni naku shika wa uramite nomi ya tsuma o kouran
Storm winds blow Across the arrowroot upon the plain Where bells a stag— Might it be with bitterness, alone, that He yearns for a mate?
Shun’e 47
Right
山里は妻こひかぬる鹿の音にさもあらぬ我もねられざりけり
yamazato wa tsuma koikanuru shika no ne ni sa mo aranu ware mo nerarezarikeri
In a mountain retreat, Filled with too much yearning for his mate A stag bells out— ‘Tis not true of me, yet Still I cannot sleep.
Lay Priest Master 48
The Left’s stag’s bell seeming to despise the arrowroot field and the Right’s inability to sleep on hearing a stag belling at a mountain retreat are both evocative of lonely sadness and neither sounds at all inferior to the other in the depths of the emotion they convey, so I find myself quite unable to distinguish between them.
yomosugara tsuma kouru ma ni saoshika no me sae awade ya naki’akasuran
All night long, Yearning for his mate, Does the stag Fail to close his eyes, Belling until the dawn?
Mikawa 43
Right
独のみみねのをしかのなくこゑにあはれ吹きそふ風の音かな
hitori nomi mine no oshika no naku koe ni aware fukisou kaze no oto kana
A single, solitary, Stag from the peak Belling out Laces sadness into the gusting Sound of the wind!
Kojijū 44
The Left’s ‘fail to close his eyes’ is a commonly utilised viewpoint, while the Right’s ‘lacing sadness into the gusts’ is unsatisfactory—simply ‘laced’ would be preferable. Nevertheless, neither of these are particularly significant faults, so these should tie.
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubite ya tsuma koikanete shika no fusuran
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow Has he woven—is that why Unable to love his mate The stag seems to lie?
Koreyuki 41
Right
妻こふる秋にしなればさをしかの床の山とてうちもふされじ
tsuma kouru aki ni shi nareba saoshika no toko no yama tote uchi mo fusareji
He yearns for his mate In autumn, above all, so In the stag’s Bed among the mountains He cannot lay him down, it seems.
Arifusa 42
The Left isn’t bad, but isn’t there Controller Kore’ie’s poem:
秋萩を草の枕にむすぶ夜はちかくもしかのこゑをきくかな
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubu yo wa chikaku mo shika no koe o kiku kana
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow I weave tonight— Close by, truly, a stag’s Bell I hear! [1]
While there is this earlier example, neither core nor the conceptions of these poems are the same, and as the Right’s poem is not all that good, after careful consideration I make this a tie.
[1] On hearing a stag at his lodgings. KYS (3) III: 224
