Left (Win.)
侘びつゝは音する風のつてもかが荻の上葉の枯果てぬとも
| wabitsutsu wa otosuru kaze no tsute mo gana ogi no uwaba no karehatenu tomo |
Sunk in constant grief A whispered wind-borne Word would do; though The fronds of silver-grass Have withered all away… |
749
Right.
あさましや淵とせく瀬の末だにもかく絶果つる程は見えぬを
| asamashi ya fuchi to seku se no sue dani mo kaku taehatsuru hodo wa mienu o |
How unexpected! The flow dammed into a pool Has reached an end; That it would cease so It never did seem… |
750
The Right state: it sounds as if the silver-grass after withering make no sound. The Left state: the expression ‘flow dammed into a pool’ (fuchi to seku se) is odd.
In judgement: the Left is not saying that silver-grass makes no sound after withering, but that there is no wind. The Right’s ‘flow dammed into a pool’ is certainly not poor, but the final section sounds clumsy. The Left’s poem is better. It should win.