Love IV: 23

Left (Win).

kimi mo mata
yūbe ya wakite
wasurezu harau
ogi no kaze kana
Are you, once more, my darling,
Spending this evening
On thoughts of love?
Faithfully sweeps
The wind across the silver-grass…

A Servant Girl.


toki shi mo are
omoi kana
aki no yūbe ni
hito wa wasureji
Of all the times there are, now
Does sadness
Most fill my thoughts;
On an autumn evening
Unable to forget her…


The Right state: we wonder about the appropriateness of ‘faithfully sweeps’ (wasurezu harau). The Left state: while the Right’s poem is in keeping with the conception of the topic, it seem as if the reference to ‘evening’ serves little purpose.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘Spending this evening on thoughts of love’ (yūbe ya wakite nagamuran) is appropriate, but I find ‘The wind across the silver-grass’ (ogi no kaze) somewhat problematic. The initial section of the Right’s poem, too, is not bad, but saying ‘On an autumn evening unable to forget her’ (aki no yūbe ni hito wa wasureji) suggests that forgetting is the norm, and I wonder about that. The Left wins on account of its initial section.

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